IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#studies #teenagers #person #case #measures #time
Throughout the years, there have been significant changes in the way
people
 communicate.
This
 started when the trends of the internet came into play. In recent days,
people
, especially
teenagers
, rather communicate with one another through social media or online.
This
 can be
due to
 the easier accessibility and effectiveness of social media.
For example
, nowadays, you can use a video call to a shared watching system where you can watch a movie/
videos
Fix the agreement mistake
video
show examples
together with
 your friends.
This
also
 allows
people
 to play certain games together whenever they desire.
Hence
, nowadays
teenagers
 prefer to meet online rather than
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 the
time
 to socialize in
person
.
Such
 measures can be taken into account to minimize
this
 problem and make
teenagers
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
socialize in
person
 like joining a community and organization. I believe
by
Change preposition
that
show examples
 joining a community filled with
people
 they
shared
Wrong verb form
share
show examples
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 with, would help with the
time
 they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 socializing outside of the internet. As an example, I took one of
my
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 community experiences I recently joined, where I met some
people
 with the same interest as mine, which
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 going to a concert.
Firstly
, we met through social media and went through our
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 by communicating online. But as
time
 went on, we decided to start meeting in
person
 to discuss our upcoming concert plan. From
then
 on, we met gradually in
person
 just to hang around or just give an update on each other's daily updates. So having online interactions
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not as far that bad if it does not go too
much
Rephrase
far
show examples
.
Therefore
,
such
 measures must be taken into account on how to manage
teenagers
 to spend more
time
 meeting other
people
 in
person
 rather than just spending most of the
time
 interacting online.
Submitted by hnnfh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Improve clarity in expressing ideas by breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones.
cohesion
Ensure every paragraph has a clear central topic and flows logically to the next with effective transitions.
conclusion
Reinforce your conclusion with a strong summary of your main points to enhance the essay's closure.
task response
The essay effectively addresses the reasons why teenagers prefer online socializing and suggests practical measures.
examples
Provides a personal example to illustrate the solution, which adds depth and relevance to the argument.
introduction
The introduction is engaging and sets a clear context for the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • socialization
  • curate
  • engaging
  • social anxiety
  • digital detox
  • tech-free zones
  • mentorship programs
  • real-world interactions
  • face-to-face settings
  • in-person participation
  • promote
  • deter
  • foster
  • appeal
  • perspectives
  • detox challenges
  • community service
What to do next:
Look at other essays: