IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
The newer generation has been aware of the importance of personal finance management. It could be seen by the rise of younger generations that invest or save their money
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 financial instruments
such
 as government bonds or stocks. It could be argued,
however
,
I
Correct word choice
that I
show examples
agree to some extent that
people
 need to allocate their budget wisely since the economic situation and upcoming potential
world
Correct your spelling
World War
show examples
war
 III
happen
Wrong verb form
have happened
show examples
 recently. The
world
 economic condition has been quite unstable recently. It shows that the unemployment rate is increasing. Many private companies make the hard decision to lay off some of their employees. It has affected a lot of
people
 losing their jobs. If you have allocated your funds wisely before, you had an emergency fund, you could feel more secure with current conditions even though you
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a job.
This
 should be evidence that financial literacy is important, especially for the younger generation. Another pushing factor is
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 potential
Change preposition
of world
show examples
world
Correct your spelling
World War
show examples
war
 III. The
war
 itself has happened in certain regions,
such
 as Europe or
middle-east
Correct your spelling
the Middle East
show examples
.
This
war
 can contribute to unstable prices for some important goods,
likewise
 fuel, energy or even food.
The price
Correct article usage
Price
show examples
 inflation will be inevitable and soon or later it will impact
daily
Correct article usage
the daily
show examples
 goods that we consume. By having an emergency fund or saving more money,
People
 can have a good preparation to face the consequences of
world
war
.
As a result
, when it has already happened,
people
 can ensure that they can still
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their basic needs. In conclusion, preparing for the worst is quite important and urgent. We never know what will happen to us, maybe losing a job or having a
world
Correct your spelling
World War
show examples
war
 III.
However
, if
people
 have been aware of
this
 condition and understand how to prepare for it, it will make them in the future more stable and financially secure.
Submitted by muhammad.andhitya on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To elevate the essay, it's crucial to weave stronger connections between the main points, ensuring that there's a seamless transition between ideas. Enhancing coherence will help readers follow your argument more easily.
Task Achievement
Ensure that the essay maintains a sharp focus on the topic. While introducing broader concerns like potential world conflicts is relevant, connecting them more directly to the prompt about saving money can strengthen task achievement.
Task Achievement
Provide a more diverse range of examples. Currently, the examples are heavily centered around economic and global conflict scenarios. Incorporating examples that touch upon personal experiences or other aspects, such as education or health, could provide a richer perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the topic well and providing closure to your argument.
Task Achievement
You've effectively addressed the importance of financial literacy and personal finance management in the face of economic instability and potential global conflicts, which directly responds to the essay prompt.
Task Achievement
Your essay integrates relevant scenarios, such as economic instability and geopolitical tensions, to rationalize the need for financial prudence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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