It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
The newer generation has been aware of the importance of personal finance management. It could be seen by the rise of younger generations that invest or save their money
into
financial instruments Change preposition
in
such
as government bonds or stocks. It could be argued, however
, I
agree to some extent that Correct word choice
that I
people
need to allocate their budget wisely since the economic situation and upcoming potential world
Correct your spelling
World War
war
III happen
recently.
The Wrong verb form
have happened
world
economic condition has been quite unstable recently. It shows that the unemployment rate is increasing. Many private companies make the hard decision to lay off some of their employees. It has affected a lot of people
losing their jobs. If you have allocated your funds wisely before, you had an emergency fund, you could feel more secure with current conditions even though you are
not Verb problem
do
having
a job. Wrong verb form
have
This
should be evidence that financial literacy is important, especially for the younger generation.
Another pushing factor is upcoming
potential Correct article usage
the upcoming
Change preposition
of world
world
Correct your spelling
World War
war
III. The war
itself has happened in certain regions, such
as Europe or middle-east
. Correct your spelling
the Middle East
This
war
can contribute to unstable prices for some important goods, likewise
fuel, energy or even food. The price
inflation will be inevitable and soon or later it will impact Correct article usage
Price
daily
goods that we consume. By having an emergency fund or saving more money, Correct article usage
the daily
People
can have a good preparation to face the consequences of world
war
. As a result
, when it has already happened, people
can ensure that they can still fulfill
their basic needs.
In conclusion, preparing for the worst is quite important and urgent. We never know what will happen to us, maybe losing a job or having a Change the spelling
fulfil
world
Correct your spelling
World War
war
III. However
, if people
have been aware of this
condition and understand how to prepare for it, it will make them in the future more stable and financially secure.Submitted by muhammad.andhitya on
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Coherence and Cohesion
To elevate the essay, it's crucial to weave stronger connections between the main points, ensuring that there's a seamless transition between ideas. Enhancing coherence will help readers follow your argument more easily.
Task Achievement
Ensure that the essay maintains a sharp focus on the topic. While introducing broader concerns like potential world conflicts is relevant, connecting them more directly to the prompt about saving money can strengthen task achievement.
Task Achievement
Provide a more diverse range of examples. Currently, the examples are heavily centered around economic and global conflict scenarios. Incorporating examples that touch upon personal experiences or other aspects, such as education or health, could provide a richer perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the topic well and providing closure to your argument.
Task Achievement
You've effectively addressed the importance of financial literacy and personal finance management in the face of economic instability and potential global conflicts, which directly responds to the essay prompt.
Task Achievement
Your essay integrates relevant scenarios, such as economic instability and geopolitical tensions, to rationalize the need for financial prudence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.