IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favour of them because of their benefits to humanity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In our
society
Add a comma
society,
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 it is common to use mammals as testers for our medicines and test their safety.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that testing those medicines on pets can prevent human death, others
answer
Verb problem
argue
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by
Change preposition
that
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saying
Verb problem
apply
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we should not consider them as humans. I think that we should not prioritise humanity over mammals and find other ways to protect humanity. Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that humans are way more important than beasts.
Indeed
Punctuation problem
Indeed,
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 because they are superior in some
aspects
Punctuation problem
aspects,
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 they believe that they should suffer, and sometimes die just for us, to have some new medicines.
For example
Linking Words
, during
COVID19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 the urge to create a new vaccine, scientists made many tests on rats or rabbits
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the
immense
Correct word choice
vast
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 majority of them died just to let us travel again.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that, as they breathe and live
they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 need to be considered as important as humans.
This
Linking Words
 opinion is getting more and more popular
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 there are even demonstrations for animal rights.
For instance
Linking Words
, many NGOs have been created since the 1990s
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 Humane
society
Fix capitalization
Society
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 is
a
Correct article usage
an
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 NGO which fights against cruelty
made
Verb problem
inflicted
show examples
 on them, but the one
that is
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most related
with
Change preposition
to
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this
Linking Words
 is PETA
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 means
People
Use synonyms
 for the Ethical
Treatments
Fix the agreement mistake
Treatment
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 of
Animals
Punctuation problem
Animals,
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 that fights for the stop of
pet
Check wording
animal
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treatments
Fix the agreement mistake
treatment
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 in different industries.
To conclude
Linking Words
we
Punctuation problem
, we
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 can say that even if
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 are still
people
Use synonyms
 who consider that pets should be sacrificed because of their benefits for humanity, many others fight for a more equal life where
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 could cohabitate with animals.

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task
Start with a clear plan in your intro. Put your view at the end of the intro as a thesis.
task
In the body, give two clear sides and a brief personal view. Do not mix too many ideas in one paragraph.
coherence
Add strong topic sentences for each paragraph and use linking words to show how ideas go from one to the next.
coherence
Support each point with one or two simple examples. Check that examples are true.
lexical
Choose exact words. For example, use 'animal testing' not 'pets'. Be careful with facts.
grammar
Check grammar and punctuation. Break long sentences into shorter ones.
task response
The essay shows a clear view and a position on the topic.
coherence
There are examples to back up ideas, even if they could be stronger.
coherence
The writing has a logical flow in some parts.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ethics
  • Morality
  • Vivisection
  • In vivo testing
  • Cruelty-free
  • Animal welfare
  • Biomedical research
  • Toxicology
  • Sentience
  • Compassionate
  • Humane
  • Speciesism
  • In vitro
  • Alternative methods
  • Pharmacology
  • Clinical trials
  • Bioethics
  • Animal rights
  • Pain threshold
  • Efficacy
What to do next:
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