IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

TOPIC: A tendency that the news report in the media focuses on problems and emergencies rather than the positive development is harmful to both the individual and the society. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#topic #tendency #news #report #media #emergencies #development #society
Media
 have always played a particular role in
society
. They are an instrument
wchich
Correct your spelling
which
 is capable of
ifulencing
Correct your spelling
influencing
people
 worldwide.
However
, many complain
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the way they
gain
Wrong verb form
gained
show examples
 their
popularyty
Correct your spelling
popularity
, since they have been focusing mostly on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems and drama. I do find
such
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
behaviour harmful and believe that they have a negative impact on
society
. The news reports create a hostile image of the
world
.
Individuals
 who base their knowledge on
media
 may often be under
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 false impression that the
world
consist
Change the verb form
consists
show examples
 mostly of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence and crimes as
such
 topics enjoy the biggest popularity
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television.
For instance
, news highlighting any form of wrongdoing
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 much more interesting than the others.
Media
,
therefore
, benefit from
people
's desire to hear about hostility and,
as a result
, create a wrong image of the
world
, which can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
society
.
In addition
,
such
 an approach can make
individuals
 less
frendly
Correct your spelling
friendly
 towards each other.
People
 who constantly hear about crimes and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence not only
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less trust
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the rest of
society
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 may be more hostile towards one another. To illustrate
this
, if you see wrongdoing so often
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
TV, you may suffer from a lack of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
reliance on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
people
.
Consequently
, the news reports have a negative impact on
individuals
. In conclusion, I agree with the statement that
media
 have a harmful impact on both
society
 and
individuals
. Their actions can contribute to
creation
Add an article
the creation
show examples
 of a false image of the
world
, and make
people
 less
frendly
Correct your spelling
friendly
 towards one another.
Submitted by kuba.glogowski on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve the depth of the essay, consider providing more specific examples or evidence that support your arguments. For instance, referencing studies or statistics about media influence could strengthen your case.
task achievement
Ensure accurate spelling throughout your essay. There were minor errors like "wchich", "ifulencing", and "frendly" which can be easily corrected.
coherence cohesion
While the essay logically progresses, occasionally rephrasing sentences for clarity would reinforce your points more effectively. Pay attention to sentence variety to maintain reader engagement.
task achievement
You have clearly identified and taken a position on the statement, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your arguments, creating a cohesive flow in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your structure is logical, with distinct paragraphs that separate and develop key ideas, enhancing readability and understanding for the reader.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: