IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

TOPIC: A tendency that the news report in the media focuses on problems and emergencies rather than the positive development is harmful to both the individual and the society. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Media
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 have always played a particular role in
society
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. They are an instrument
wchich
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which
 is capable of
ifulencing
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influencing
people
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 worldwide.
However
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, many complain
on
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about
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 the way they
gain
Wrong verb form
gained
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 their
popularyty
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popularity
, since they have been focusing mostly on
the
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apply
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problems and drama. I do find
such
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a
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apply
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behaviour harmful and believe that they have a negative impact on
society
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. The news reports create a hostile image of the
world
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.
Individuals
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 who base their knowledge on
media
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 may often be under
a
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the
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 false impression that the
world
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consist
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consists
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 mostly of
the
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apply
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violence and crimes as
such
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 topics enjoy the biggest popularity
in
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on
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the
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apply
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television.
For instance
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, news highlighting any form of wrongdoing
are
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is
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 much more interesting than the others.
Media
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,
therefore
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, benefit from
people
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's desire to hear about hostility and,
as a result
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, create a wrong image of the
world
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, which can be harmful
for
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to
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society
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.
In addition
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,
such
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 an approach can make
individuals
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 less
frendly
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friendly
 towards each other.
People
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 who constantly hear about crimes and
the
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apply
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violence not only
do
Verb problem
apply
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have
a
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apply
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less trust
to
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in
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 the rest of
society
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,
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apply
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 but
also
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 may be more hostile towards one another. To illustrate
this
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, if you see wrongdoing so often
in
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on
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the
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apply
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TV, you may suffer from a lack of
a
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apply
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reliance on
the
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apply
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other
people
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.
Consequently
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, the news reports have a negative impact on
individuals
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. In conclusion, I agree with the statement that
media
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 have a harmful impact on both
society
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 and
individuals
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. Their actions can contribute to
creation
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the creation
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 of a false image of the
world
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, and make
people
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 less
frendly
Correct your spelling
friendly
 towards one another.

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task achievement
To improve the depth of the essay, consider providing more specific examples or evidence that support your arguments. For instance, referencing studies or statistics about media influence could strengthen your case.
task achievement
Ensure accurate spelling throughout your essay. There were minor errors like "wchich", "ifulencing", and "frendly" which can be easily corrected.
coherence cohesion
While the essay logically progresses, occasionally rephrasing sentences for clarity would reinforce your points more effectively. Pay attention to sentence variety to maintain reader engagement.
task achievement
You have clearly identified and taken a position on the statement, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your arguments, creating a cohesive flow in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your structure is logical, with distinct paragraphs that separate and develop key ideas, enhancing readability and understanding for the reader.
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