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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Is mental strength important for success or is it more important to be strong and fit for success in sport.? Discuss both views and give your opinion

#strength #success #sport
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There is no denying the fact that mental strength is important for success or is it more important to be strong and fit for success in sport
.
Change the punctuation
?
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While
 it is a commonly held belief that mental strength is important for your success, there is
also
 an argument that being fit and healthy will lead you to succeed in
sports
.
This
 essay will analyse
this
 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, mental health is needed for every human being.
In other words
, it is very important to have good mental health to analyse and think clearly.
In addition
,
sports
 require a human being who is mentally healthy
this
 will help him to think and plan for the
sports
 activity.
For example
, a soccer player can not become a star if he or her did not train and focus on their weak points.
On the other hand
, being fit and healthy will help you a lot with your sport. it is
also
 possible to say that there are no
sports
 players fat and have a bad body.
Moreover
, most of the
sports
 require their players to have a good body shape.
For instance
, basketball players are usually tall and skinny. In conclusion, there are no easy answers
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that having a good and skinny body is important more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental health for
sports
 activity.
Submitted by altammar12 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to bolster your arguments. Currently, examples are quite generic and could be expanded with real-world instances or studies to strengthen your argument about the importance of either mental strength or physical fitness in sports.
language accuracy
There are a few grammatical inconsistencies, such as "he or her" which should be "he or she," and "their players to have a good body shape" which can be more precisely articulated. Paying attention to such inaccuracies will enhance the clarity of your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Develop the ideas more fully for a higher coherence score. For instance, when discussing mental strength or physical attributes, consider exploring how these can complement each other in sports to provide a more nuanced viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, maintaining coherence across different sections.
task achievement
The topic is directly addressed, and both viewpoints are considered, fulfilling the task requirements to some extent.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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