IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some countries have introduced laws to limit working hours for employees. Why are these laws introduced? Do you think they are a positive or negative development?

#countries #laws #limit #hours #employees #development
It is widely known that the policy of limited working
hours
 was introduced in some countries, some people argue that
this laws
Change the determiner
this law
these laws
show examples
 were intentionally proposed to protect employees'
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
. The reasons why I support
this
 claim and believe that
this
 could lead to a positive development
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 work-life balance will be discussed
further
 in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, it seems sensible for some nations to enact
this
 bill of restricted working
hours
.
This
 is possibly because it aims to protect the exploitation of the business to
over-used
Correct your spelling
over-use
show examples
 the workers
along with
 the concerns of work-related health sickness
such
 as office syndrome and stress. Take Japan,
for example
; they are
renown
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renowned
show examples
 worldwide
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their professionalism and hard-working characteristics which generally view working overtime
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 essential and normal in working culture. From my point of view,
this
 scheme is beneficial for people in
this
 generation where we all face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
intense competition to become
success
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successful
show examples
 that we sometimes ignore our own
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Healthcare
staffs
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staff
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,
for instance
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
generally work
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an extra
ong
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
hour of shifts
due to
 inadequate
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
workers which
resulting
Change the form of the verb
results
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 in
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of sleep and fasting that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them
become
Verb problem
apply
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unproductive. In
this
 sense, with the help of restricted
hours
 can help these
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 to
revived
Wrong verb form
revive
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 their energy both mentally and physically and
ready
Add a missing verb
be ready
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 to work more productively in their professions. In summary,
although
 it is undeniable that working , I am of the opinion that limited working
hours
 can bring about high quality of work in the same manner
with balance
Change preposition
as balancing
show examples
 a life.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Writing
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar for clarity, particularly focusing on ensuring that sentences are complete and easy to understand.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to clearly illustrate points, such as mentioning specific laws or experiences from individuals affected by working hour regulations.
Conclusion
Ensure the conclusion succinctly summarizes key points and clearly directly addresses the question regarding the development being positive or negative.
Introduction
The essay's introduction effectively sets up the discussion, providing a clear statement of intent by supporting the idea of limited working hours leading to positive developments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates a coherent structure with a logical flow to the argument, maintaining a clear line of reasoning about the need for laws limiting working hours.
Task Achievement
The use of Japan as an example to highlight cultural perspectives on working long hours adds depth to the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Burnout
  • 2. Work-life balance
  • 3. Productivity
  • 4. Diminishing returns
  • 5. Ethical responsibility
  • 6. Exploitation
  • 7. Fair labor practices
  • 8. Chronic illnesses
  • 9. Job creation
  • 10. Unemployment rates
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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