IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #information #population #zealand #age #group #formation #features #comparisons
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The table compares data about the
population
 of New Zealand between 2011 and 2012 by
age
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
.
Overall
, the table illustrates that the
population
 of all ages grew,
while
 the number of young
people
 decreased. Meanwhile, the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 for
people
 in different
age
groups
 were relatively stable in the two
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
, with
people
 aged 15 to 39 the most. Looking at the information in more detail, we can see that among all the ages, elderly
people
 who were over 65 had the most dramatic rise by 4%. The second highest increase was of
people
 who were 40 to 64 years old, which was 0.6%,
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the
rise
Change the verb form
rising
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 rate of the whole
population
.
In contrast
, the number of
people
 who are under 39 dropped by 0.2%. In terms of the
population
 of
people
 of different
age
groups
,
it is clear that
 the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 for
people
 who were between 15 and 39 years old were consistently the highest, which reached 1,577,256 and 1,574,102 in 2011 and 2012 respectively. The elderly who were over 65 years old stood at 573,946 and 596,903 in 2011 and 2012 respectively, which were the least among all
age
groups
.
Submitted by dawn140140140140 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, age, groups, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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