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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table compares data about the
population
Use synonyms
 of New Zealand between 2011 and 2012 by
age
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Use synonyms
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the table illustrates that the
population
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 of all ages grew,
while
Linking Words
 the number of young
people
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 decreased. Meanwhile, the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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 for
people
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 in different
age
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groups
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 were relatively stable in the two
year
Change to a plural noun
years
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, with
people
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 aged 15 to 39 the most. Looking at the information in more detail, we can see that among all the ages, elderly
people
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 who were over 65 had the most dramatic rise by 4%. The second highest increase was of
people
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 who were 40 to 64 years old, which was 0.6%,
same
Correct article usage
the same
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with
Change preposition
as
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 the
rise
Change the verb form
rising
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 rate of the whole
population
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the number of
people
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 who are under 39 dropped by 0.2%. In terms of the
population
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 of
people
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 of different
age
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groups
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,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 for
people
Use synonyms
 who were between 15 and 39 years old were consistently the highest, which reached 1,577,256 and 1,574,102 in 2011 and 2012 respectively. The elderly who were over 65 years old stood at 573,946 and 596,903 in 2011 and 2012 respectively, which were the least among all
age
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groups
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, age, groups, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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