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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below shows the percentage of a drug company’s total sales, by region, from 2002 to 2006.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the chart below shows the percentage of a drug company’s total sales, by region, from 2002 to 2006.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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the
chart
Use synonyms
 below shows the advantages between the regions (
USA
Use synonyms
-Eruope-
Asia
Use synonyms
) of their sales between 2002
till
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2006, the
chart
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 illustrated the fluctuation in percentages especially in the
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Asia
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 approximately the same average in Europe,
also
Linking Words
 the
chart
Use synonyms
 showed the peak
point
Use synonyms
 at 41% in the
USA
Use synonyms
 and the low
point
Use synonyms
 at 25% in
Asia
Use synonyms
. From 2002 till 2004 the
chart
Use synonyms
clarified
Wrong verb form
clarifies
show examples
 the percentage in
Asia
Use synonyms
 gradually increased from 25% in 2002 till the percentage reached 35% in 2004
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of the
USA
Use synonyms
 decreased from 41% to 27% in 2004,
main
Replace the word
mainly
show examples
while
Linking Words
 Europe was quite the same average with 30% unless reached the peak
point
Use synonyms
 in 2004 with only 38%
on the other hand
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2005 till 2006 the
chart
Use synonyms
 showed a light
rising
Wrong verb form
rise
show examples
 in the
USA
Use synonyms
 from 29% to 30%, and a sharp
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in
Asia
Use synonyms
 from 37% to 40% until reached the peak
point
Use synonyms
 at 40% ,
while
Linking Words
 a sharp decline in the
USA
Use synonyms
 from 34%to30.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, usa, asia, point with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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