IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

An increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#crime #youngsters #age #psychologists #reason #children #parents #teachers
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In recent years, the number of violent
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 among
youth
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 under the age of 18
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has rise
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rise
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risen
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 significantly.
This
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 has led
psychologist
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psychologists
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to conclude
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 that lack of
guidances
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guidance
show examples
 from
parents
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 and teachers
are
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is
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 the main issue of the increasing levels of
youth
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crime
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.
However
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, I strongly agree with
this
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 viewpoint because
lack
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the lack
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 of figures at home and
surrounding
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the surrounding
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environment
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 will affect
youth
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behavior
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behaviour
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.
To begin
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 with,
parental
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the parental
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 role at home
build
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builds
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 the
children
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’s
act
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actions
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 and
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behavior
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behaviour
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 towards other
people
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. Most
children
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 usually learn from their
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parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
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 actions.
For instance
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, as a
child
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child,
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 I had tried to mimic my mother doing laundry and cooking at that time.
This
Linking Words
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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build
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builds
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 my
confident
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confidence
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 to take care of house chores in the future. So that,
children
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 with no
guidances
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guidance
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 from their
parents
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 will behave
irresponsibility
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irresponsibly
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with
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in
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 their
life
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lives
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.
Furthermore
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, a place with a high
crime
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 rate
also
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bring
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brings
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 a negative
environment
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 to
children
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.
People
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 must
considers
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consider
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 which place is safe to live with
children
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.
For example
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,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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children
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 who grow up in
the
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a
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 place with a lot of crimes will have a big chance to conduct
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crime
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crimes
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,
such
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 as
stealling
Correct your spelling
stealing
.
In other words
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,
surrounding
Correct article usage
the surrounding
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environment
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 leads
children
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 or
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people
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people's
show examples
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in everyday life. To summarize,
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of figures at home and
Correct article usage
the surronding
show examples
surronding
Correct your spelling
surrounding
environment
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 will affect
youth
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Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Parents
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 and
people
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 with
children
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 must give
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clear
guidances
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guidance
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, show their figures as older
people
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, and protect their
children
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 from bad
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environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
.
This
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 will lead
children
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be
Add the particle
to be
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 spared from
youth
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 crimes and other bad things that could happen to them.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Task Response
Improve grammatical accuracy to convey ideas more clearly.
Task Response
Develop and extend main points with better examples and explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structure paragraphs with clear topic sentences and smoother transitions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use varied and complex sentence structures to enhance the essay’s overall quality.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion with the key idea well presented at the start and restated at the end.
Task Response
The argument regarding the influence of parents and environment on children's behavior is coherent and logical.
Task Response
The example of mirroring parents’ behavior is specific and relevant.
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