IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.

The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.
#two #show #employment #patterns #britain
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The two pie charts illustrate some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.
For example
Linking Words
, the overwhelming majority of
female
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females
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 have 31 per
cent
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 of clerical or related in comparison with
male
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males
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,
whose
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who
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 compose 6 per
cent
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. Craft or similar for female occupied 3 per
cent
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 for male
this
Linking Words
 things was 24 per
cent
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, other manual and managerial and professional occupied for
female
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females
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 27 per
cent
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 and 29 per
cent
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,
although
Linking Words
 for
male
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males
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 these both things had 26 per
cent
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 and 36 per
cent
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. from
this
Linking Words
 point,
other manual
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another manual
other manuals
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 for
female
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females
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higher
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are higher
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 than
male
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males
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 but managerial and professional for
male
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males
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higher
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are higher
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 than
female
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females
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. Meanwhile, the lowest level occupied general labourers for
female
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females
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 with one per
cent
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 because
male
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males
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 have more than one per
cent
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. other
non-manual
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non-manuals
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 have 9 per
cent
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 for
female
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females
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 in comparison with
male
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males
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,
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 occupied just 6 per
cent
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, which means other
non-manual
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non-manuals
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 were higher for
female
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females
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.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the 3 things(clerical or related, other manual, other non-manual) for
female
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females
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higher
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are higher
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 than for
male
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males
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 but residuary(managerial and professional, craft or similar, general labourers) for
male
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males
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higher
Add a missing verb
is higher
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 than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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