IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#bar #percentage #adult #smokers #seven #countries #world #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of
male
Add an article
the male
show examples
 population with smoking habit in seven different countries in two
variount
Correct your spelling
various
variant
 periods.
Overall
Linking Words
,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of males who smoke decreased, which was around 43% in 2000 and
then
Linking Words
 it declined to reach approximately 33% in 2015. In regard to countries which have a
drope
Correct your spelling
drop
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 its percentage, Bangladesh had the highest gap with over 60%
smoker
Fix the agreement mistake
smokers
show examples
 in 2000 and the percentage went down to reach almost 39% in 2015.
In addition
Linking Words
, America,Mexico and Australia
also
Linking Words
 had a
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
 in male smoking
whith
Correct your spelling
with
 12%,15% and 11% , respectively. Cuba showed no significant difference in the proportion of male smoking in the country with a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
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 decline
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 only 2%.
According to
Linking Words
 the countries which had an increase in
smokin
Correct your spelling
smoking
 numbers, Egypt was the highest which became 49% .
additionally
Linking Words
, Lebanon had 35% of male smokers in 2000 and following that it had rocketed to reach 44% in 2015.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart, percentage, adult male smokers
  • world average, increased, decreased
  • tobacco consumption, lung cancer
  • public health, awareness campaigns
  • government policy, smoking bans
  • health risks, nicotine, tobacco industry
  • chart analysis, data comparison
  • statistical trend, significant fluctuation
  • stagnation, steady rise, moderate fall
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