IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are not taking care of their elderly relatives but seeking help from professionals to look after them. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #people #care #relatives #professionals #development
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Nowdays
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Nowadays
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, It has become
trend
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the trend
a trend
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 of sending elderly relatives to old age homes to get looked after because of the busy
life
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 of today. I think it is a negative development as
everybody
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 is busy
in
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apply
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building their career. There are many reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.The first reason is lack of time as
everybody
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 wants a
luxurous
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luxurious
life
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, so, in order to get
a
Correct article usage
the
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 desired
life
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 people have become
workholics
Correct your spelling
workaholics
 and they do not even realise that
their
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they're
they are
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 missing out on many things.
For example
Linking Words
: spending quality time with their
parents
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 is one of them which they will realise later in
life
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.Because of these
desires
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desires,
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 they have to send their
parents
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in
Change preposition
to
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 old age homes to be looked after and they are
also
Linking Words
 paying too much for
this
Linking Words
. The competition as
everybody
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 is busy in their
life
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 or we can say
everybody
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 is participating in the rat race to become successful in their
life
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. The second reason is the invention of technology which has provided many benefits, but
along with
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 those benefits, these things come with drawbacks
such
Linking Words
 as people losing harmony in their relations,
as a result
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, they do not want to spend time with their elders, so just want to get rid of them that's why send their
parents
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 to these institutes where they go to visit them when they want as per their convenience. In conclusion, I reiterate my opinion that
this
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 is a negative trend because living with
parents
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 is a blessing and people need to experience
this
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 because desires never end and always go increasing and increasing.
Submitted by sidhunarinder591 on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, try to address both sides of the argument more comprehensively and include more relevant and specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Focus on clearly organizing your ideas into separate paragraphs. Each paragraph should contain a single main idea and supporting details.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion powerfully reintegrates your viewpoint and emphasizes the emotional aspect of family relationships.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt directly and supports the opinion with reasons.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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