IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manfuactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products shpuld be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. do you agree or disagree ?

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There is no denying the fact that a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
companies
Use synonyms
 make both
food
Use synonyms
 and
drinks
Use synonyms
 with high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
sugar
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. Which can lead to many side effects on health. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that sugary
products price
Fix the agreement mistake
product prices
show examples
 should be increased to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to consume less
sugar
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. To
being
Verb problem
begin
show examples
 with,
food
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 and
drinks
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 nowadays
Add a missing verb
are producted
show examples
producted
Correct your spelling
produced
 with high
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of fat and
sugar
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 which cause a
lot
Use synonyms
 of health issues to
people
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.
For instance
Linking Words
,
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 bottle of any soft drink
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 more than 30
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
 of
sugar
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 which is really
disaster
Add an article
a disaster
show examples
 for health.
Moreover
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, many
companies
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focused
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
 on sweets to increase
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 income rapidly,
while
Linking Words
 they do not care about human beings. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, 3
manfuctured
Correct your spelling
manufactured
 produce healthy
food
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 in the world and more than 10000
companies
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 produce unhealthy
food
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. In terms of, increasing the
sugary
Replace the word
sugar
show examples
 and sweets
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 to encourage
people
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 to stop buying those staff, it is possible to say
this
Linking Words
 solution can be used.
For example
Linking Words
, the UK government in the previous year, increased the fast
food
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 meals by 30% and
this
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 increment will be as
donation
Add an article
a donation
show examples
 for the poor
people
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,
hence
Linking Words
, a
lot
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 of
people
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encourage
Wrong verb form
were encouraged
show examples
 to stop buying those fast
food
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 meals.
Moreover
Linking Words
, as much as the person
spending
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
 his money on
sweety
Correct your spelling
sweet
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 as much as he will cost the government a
lot
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 of money
one
Correct your spelling
once
show examples
 he
became
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
old. to clarify, fast
food
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exist
Wrong verb form
existed
show examples
 in urban countries
before
Change preposition
apply
show examples
80 years
, a
Rephrase
ago, a
show examples
lot
Use synonyms
 of surveys have been done in hospitals to see the
patients
Change noun form
patient's
patients'
show examples
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
 and they found most of those patients tend to eat fast
food
Use synonyms
 more than 4 times a week. In conclusion, there is no denying that many
companies
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 production of
food
Use synonyms
 and
drinks
Use synonyms
 contain high
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
, each government should add tax on each sugary
food
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 and
Use synonyms
drinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
drink
show examples
 to help
people
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
quit
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those things.
This
Linking Words
 essay
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement since it will encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to be healthy.

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task achievement
Ensure clarity in your main argument and support it throughout the essay. Some points need clearer connection to the main topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on a more consistent logical structure, ensuring the essay flows more smoothly from one idea to the next.
task achievement
Develop your examples more fully. Adding specific statistics or studies could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction efficiently sets up the main issue and offers your stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay concludes by reinforcing your main position, which consolidates your argument effectively.
task achievement
You provide real-world examples to support your points, such as the UK government's taxation strategy.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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