It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

While
it is widely debated that we should
emphasis
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emphasise
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the requirement of large public outdoor
spaces
like squares and parks in all towns and cities more, others suggested that
this
scheme may not
as
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be as
show examples
crucial as
development
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the development
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of
economical
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economically
show examples
related infrastructures like department stores.
Hence
, I strongly support
with
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apply
show examples
the former statement as it
induce
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induces
show examples
city dwellers to become more healthy both physically and mentally will be discussed
further
in
this
essay.
To begin
with, it seems sensible for some to believe that public
spaces
is
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are
show examples
unneccessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
as
such
area
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areas
show examples
often
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are often
show examples
neglected by many people and they rather focus on profitable estate
instead
.
This
is possibly because public
spaces
often
overlook
Wrong verb form
overlooked
show examples
by several
peoples
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people
show examples
as they consider some locations could create
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
sum if the development
occur
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occurs
show examples
in that space. Large department
store
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stores
show examples
in Bangkok,
for instance
,
some
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and some
show examples
public
area
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areas
show examples
like
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a park
show examples
park
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parks
show examples
now converted into
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profitable
esate
Correct your spelling
areas
instead
of being a deserted area. In my opinion, I personally agree with the construction of outdoor public places seeing that
this
could benefit society as a whole, especially in terms of health aspects. To simply explain, some crowded and congested areas
such
as big cities are full
with
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of
show examples
buildings and
skyscrappers
Correct your spelling
skyscrapers
that
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where
show examples
only
few
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a few
show examples
trees
could
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can
show examples
be seen,
inwhich
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in which
it
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apply
show examples
restricted
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restricts
show examples
the need
of
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for
show examples
mankind to exposure
with
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to
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nature.
By offering
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Offering
show examples
outdoor public
spaces
such
as squares and parks can
promote
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
people to become more
socialized
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social
show examples
and active rather than being isolated in their comfort zone which
Add a missing verb
is consequencely
show examples
consequencely
Correct your spelling
consequently
consequences
. Take Korea,
For example
; the government support the
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
show examples
with
spaces
where people utilize
this
space both personally: picnicking, strolling and
excercising
Correct your spelling
exercising
, or economically: selling
picnick
Correct your spelling
picnic
set
Correct subject-verb agreement
sets
show examples
and food trucks. In summary,
although
it is undeniable that public space often
look
Wrong verb form
looked
show examples
down
due
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on due
show examples
to
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
non-profitable perspective, I am of the opinion that its positive outcome can promote
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
quality of life
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
their citizen to be healthy and economically.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Coherence
Focus on organizing your arguments and ideas in a more logical structure. While the points you make are relevant, they could be presented in a more cohesive manner. Try using clear topic sentences and linking words to enhance the flow between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each argument is fully developed with sufficient explanation and examples. This will strengthen your ability to convey clear and comprehensive ideas. Consider expanding on why public spaces improve mental and physical health.
Introduction Conclusion Present
The introduction sets up the debate and clearly states your position, which helps the reader understand the direction of your essay.
Relevant Specific Examples
You provided specific examples, such as the situation in Bangkok and the example of Korea, which help to support your arguments with real-world context.
Introduction Conclusion Present
The conclusion summarizes your points and restates your opinion effectively, which gives the essay a well-rounded ending.

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