It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
While
it is widely debated that we should emphasis
the requirement of large public outdoor Replace the word
emphasise
spaces
like squares and parks in all towns and cities more, others suggested that this
scheme may not as
crucial as Add a missing verb
be as
development
of Add an article
the development
economical
related infrastructures like department stores. Change the adjective
economically
Hence
, I strongly support with
the former statement as it Change preposition
apply
induce
city dwellers to become more healthy both physically and mentally will be discussed Change the verb form
induces
further
in this
essay.
To begin
with, it seems sensible for some to believe that public spaces
is
Change the verb form
are
unneccessary
as Correct your spelling
unnecessary
such
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
often
neglected by many people and they rather focus on profitable estate Add a missing verb
are often
instead
. This
is possibly because public spaces
often overlook
by several Wrong verb form
overlooked
peoples
as they consider some locations could create Fix the agreement mistake
people
large
sum if the development Correct article usage
a large
occur
in that space. Large department Change the verb form
occurs
store
in Bangkok, Fix the agreement mistake
stores
for instance
, some
public Correct word choice
and some
area
like Fix the agreement mistake
areas
Add an article
a park
park
now converted into Fix the agreement mistake
parks
a
profitable Correct article usage
apply
esate
Correct your spelling
areas
instead
of being a deserted area.
In my opinion, I personally agree with the construction of outdoor public places seeing that this
could benefit society as a whole, especially in terms of health aspects. To simply explain, some crowded and congested areas such
as big cities are full with
buildings and Change preposition
of
skyscrappers
Correct your spelling
skyscrapers
that
only Correct word choice
where
few
trees Change the article
a few
could
be seen, Wrong verb form
can
inwhich
Correct your spelling
in which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
restricted
the need Wrong verb form
restricts
of
mankind to exposure Change preposition
for
with
nature. Change preposition
to
By offering
outdoor public Change preposition
Offering
spaces
such
as squares and parks can promote
people to become more Verb problem
encourage
socialized
and active rather than being isolated in their comfort zone which Replace the word
social
Add a missing verb
is consequencely
consequencely
. Take Korea, Correct your spelling
consequently
consequences
For example
; the government support the local
with Fix the agreement mistake
locals
spaces
where people utilize this
space both personally: picnicking, strolling and excercising
, or economically: selling Correct your spelling
exercising
picnick
Correct your spelling
picnic
set
and food trucks.
In summary, Correct subject-verb agreement
sets
although
it is undeniable that public space often look
down Wrong verb form
looked
due
to Change preposition
on due
it
non-profitable perspective, I am of the opinion that its positive outcome can promote Correct pronoun usage
its
better
quality of life Add an article
a better
of
their citizen to be healthy and economically.Change preposition
for
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
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Coherence
Focus on organizing your arguments and ideas in a more logical structure. While the points you make are relevant, they could be presented in a more cohesive manner. Try using clear topic sentences and linking words to enhance the flow between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each argument is fully developed with sufficient explanation and examples. This will strengthen your ability to convey clear and comprehensive ideas. Consider expanding on why public spaces improve mental and physical health.
Introduction Conclusion Present
The introduction sets up the debate and clearly states your position, which helps the reader understand the direction of your essay.
Relevant Specific Examples
You provided specific examples, such as the situation in Bangkok and the example of Korea, which help to support your arguments with real-world context.
Introduction Conclusion Present
The conclusion summarizes your points and restates your opinion effectively, which gives the essay a well-rounded ending.