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Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
It is true that some people agree that unpaid community service should be a mandatory part of high school programmes. I think it has some advantages and some disadvantages. In
this
 essay, I will discuss about advantages and disadvantages.
On the other hand
, there are some advantages of volunteering. The first advantage is,
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
 is a part of school life for
students
. It makes a student's life easy
as well as
 it will grow their self-confidence. By increasing self-confidence they can maintain discipline.
Second,
by volunteering they will hard word.
In addition
, their knowledge can build up.
Therefore
, they can be inspired to join social
work
.
Also
, their responsibility can be increased and they will learn many things by volunteering. From
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 school level, they will know how to join social
work
for
this
 reason they can be helped by national
work
.
On the other hand
, there are several disadvantages. Volunteering is good
work
 for society and the nation but many
students
 do not want to
work
.
Firstly
, many
students
 are lazy. They do not want to take any responsibility or volunteer duty. In their leisure
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 they want to stay at home because they want to rest at home, sleep, watch TV or play games at home.
Secondly
, if it is compulsory many
students
 can lose their encouragement. At
this
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
students
 do not want to take on any duty because they want to
free
Add a missing verb
have free
show examples
 time always which is why they do not want to participate in any social
work
.
As a result
, if is it mandatory for
students
 it could be pressured on their minds. In conclusion, unpaid social services can inspire
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
. It is a good part of student's lives. I will agree with
this
 essay. It is important for
students
 life.
Submitted by mdtipusultanakhand on

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task achievement
Try to address both views on the topic more equally and provide more examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay with clearer topic sentences and supporting sentences.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next, maintaining a clear progression of ideas.
task achievement
The essay outlines both advantages and disadvantages, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly wraps up your views, reinforcing your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
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