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Writing Samples
Band 4

The table below gives information about student enrolments at Manchester University in 1937, 1967 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about student enrolments at Manchester University in 1937, 1967 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The illustration describes the population of enrollees at Manchester Unversity on periods; 1937, 1967 and 2017,
as well as
Linking Words
 the category and percentage per group.
Overall
Linking Words
, the largest
number
Use synonyms
 of freshmen came from
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2017. Meanwhile, the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
neew
Correct your spelling
new
 comers was
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 1937. The highest
number
Use synonyms
 of new students was on
year
Use synonyms
 2017 with 6254 in total
number
Use synonyms
. It was almost six times higher compared to
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
 period
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1967 with 1133 enrollees.
However
Linking Words
, there were
small
Change the article
a small
the small
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of people who enrolled during 1937 with only 327 in
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 population.
Additionally
Linking Words
, from 1937 to 1967 most of the aspiring students were males with 55 to 65 percent of their respective total
popuation
Correct your spelling
population
 each
year
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile,
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2017 the component of
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
 category declined, as evidenced by 45% of the component.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the largest
number
Use synonyms
 of female enrollees rose during 2017 with 55% on data.
However
Linking Words
,
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1937 and 1967 there were only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 female freshmen with 35 to 45
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most of the new scholars during 1937 came within the
40 miles
Correct your spelling
40-mile
 distance from Manchester with 55%.
However
Linking Words
,
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1967 and 2017 the
number
Use synonyms
 of students within
closed
Replace the word
close
show examples
 proximity decreased five times with only 1% to 15%
enrolleed
Correct your spelling
enrolled
enrollees
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, a lot of the learners are international in origin from 102 countries with a recorded 32%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally, however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enrolment numbers
  • increase/decrease in student numbers
  • post-war baby boom
  • globalization
  • technological advancement
  • education accessibility
  • demographic changes
  • overseas students
  • gender representation in education
  • international reputation
  • higher education
  • university capacity
  • social factors
  • economic influences
  • political factors
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