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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below gives information abouth the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information abouth the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
#information #abouth #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions
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The line graph illustrates the
perecentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of the population in
four
Use synonyms
 Asian
countries
Use synonyms
, including
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia,
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1970 and 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
four
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
 had a
low-pepole
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low pepole
 in 1970, and the
rate
Use synonyms
 increased in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years.
However
Linking Words
, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 a
diference
Correct your spelling
difference
 in the
rate
Use synonyms
 of increase between the
four
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
, Malaysia
recored
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recorded
 the highest
perecnt
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per cent
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 compared
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 other,
begin
Wrong verb form
beginning
show examples
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 30% in 1970 and the number rose to above 70% in 2020,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Indonesia was the lowest
perecentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of people in 1970, the number gradually increased to 50% in 2020.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the Thailand and Philippines were relatively close in
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 to each other
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since the
perecent
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percentage
 to them in 2020 was over 40%. they
expections
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expect
 the
rate
Use synonyms
 in the
four
Use synonyms
counries
Correct your spelling
countries
counties
 will increase to
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
proporation
Correct your spelling
proportion
proportions
 between 2030 and 2040, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Malaysia will reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
80%, and the other
countries
Use synonyms
in among
Change preposition
from
show examples
 40% to 60%.
Submitted by atheer on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words four, countries, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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