The graph below gives information abouth the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information abouth the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
The line graph illustrates the
perecentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
of the population in
four
Asian
countries
, including
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia,
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
1970 and 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
, the
four
countries
had a
low-pepole
Correct your spelling
low pepole
in 1970, and the
rate
increased in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years.
However
, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
a
diference
Correct your spelling
difference
in the
rate
of increase between the
four
countries
, Malaysia
recored
Correct your spelling
recorded
the highest
perecnt
Correct your spelling
per cent
of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
compared
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
other,
begin
Wrong verb form
beginning
show examples
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
30% in 1970 and the number rose to above 70% in 2020,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Indonesia was the lowest
perecentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
of people in 1970, the number gradually increased to 50% in 2020.
Whereas
the Thailand and Philippines were relatively close in
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rate
to each other
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since the
perecent
Correct your spelling
percentage
to them in 2020 was over 40%. they
expections
Correct your spelling
expect
the
rate
in the
four
counries
Correct your spelling
countries
counties
will increase to
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
proporation
Correct your spelling
proportion
proportions
between 2030 and 2040, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Malaysia will reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
80%, and the other
countries
in among
Change preposition
from
show examples
40% to 60%.
Submitted by atheer on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words four, countries, rate with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: