Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others believe that they should be realistic and think about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is an argument, between those who tend to think that youngsters have to be allowed

choose

Fix the infinitive

to choose

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independently over their professions and those who, including me, believe that they should be more realistic about their

future

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. I believe, they will accumulate more money

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apply

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since they are cautious about their choices. On the one hand, if they chose their dream jobs freely

Change preposition

for

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themselves, they would work more efficiently.

Thus

Linking Words

, they will be more satisfied with their work.

For example

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, actors who have chosen to work in their cherished workplace, felt more comfortable, which in turn made them more efficient.

Furthemore

Correct your spelling

Furthermore

, they became more satisfied and

succesfull

Correct your spelling

successful

by following their dreams.

However

Linking Words

On the other hand

Linking Words

, their

future

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and their salaries will depend on their strict choices. So, they need to choose

job

Correct article usage

a job

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more accurately in order to ensure their salary and choose a profession that will be

relitable

Correct your spelling

reliable

relatable

at least in the next ten years.

For instance

Linking Words

, the majority of individuals in Kazakhstan decide to earn

much

Correct quantifier usage

a lot of

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money

instead

Linking Words

of following their dreams. They listen to

Add an article

the opinion

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opinion

Fix the agreement mistake

opinions

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of their parents and after

few

Correct article usage

a few

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years in university just engage in jobs.

Additionally

Linking Words

, fields,

such

Linking Words

as IT and medicine,

that

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apply

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are popular nowadays and will remain important in the

future

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. In conclusion, despite the fact that they could be more

convinient

Correct your spelling

convenient

, the main factor of following the advice of parents will be money and income. If youngsters will choose their jobs with more realism, it can be

advantage

Add an article

an advantage

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for them in the

future

Use synonyms

Submitted by Кожадаргулов on Fri Oct 18 2024

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task achievement

To improve task achievement, provide more specific examples that illustrate the points being discussed, which will enhance the arguments being made.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each main point is thoroughly supported by examples or explanations to strengthen overall coherence.

structure

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which outlines the writer's stance effectively.

task achievement

The writer presents both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the different perspectives involved in the discussion.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

career trajectory
job satisfaction
employment prospects
financial stability
job security
economically viable
harnessing potential
labor market
vocational guidance
real-world demands

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Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others believe that they should be realistic and think about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Its is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

It has been suggested that primary school children should be taught how to grow vegetables and keep animals. To what extent the advantages outweigh its disadvantages.

some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects.others believe it is more importantto give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification