IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#think #managers #salaries #workers #company
There is no denying the fact that some people believe it is a good thing for senior managers to have high
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 much higher than other workers in the
company
.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 statement.
To begin
 with, each
company
Change noun form
company's
show examples
 success
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on its management, which is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one of the most important
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each agency,
company
 and government.
In other words
, if you want to
successed
Correct your spelling
succeed
 in your project, hire
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good managers.
In addition
, if you want to increase the income of the hall
company
 you should be able to pay enough for those position holders.
For example
, Extra
company
decide
Wrong verb form
decided
show examples
 to give each position holder 10% of the net income if they hit the annual target. Another point to consider, senior staff usually get offers from others. It is
also
 possible to say that if you want to be sure that no one
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 your management level will leave you need to pay well for them.
Moreover
, most of those position holders
educated
Add a missing verb
are educated
show examples
 well so we can not compare them to other people or other employees.
For instance
, middle and junior workers can be replaced
any
Change preposition
at any
show examples
 time since there are a lot of
graduated
Replace the word
graduates
show examples
 from high school, but those who have a certain degree can not be found easily. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that senior managers should have much higher salaries than others.
Submitted by altammar12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Logical Structure
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by using clear signposting phrases and ensuring each paragraph flows into the next smoothly. This will make your argument more coherent and easier to follow.
Supported Main Points
Strengthen your main points with more specific examples and evidence. This will help in effectively illustrating and supporting your arguments, making them more persuasive.
Introduction & Conclusion
The essay successfully presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the argument and restate your stance.
Complete Response
The essay addresses the task by agreeing with the statement and providing reasons why senior managers should have higher salaries. This shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
Relevant Specific Examples
The inclusion of examples, such as the Extra company incentive scheme, helps in illustrating the points made about encouraging managerial success and retention.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!