IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, governments should prioritise health care. Other people believe that there are more important priorities for taxpayers' money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#people #taxes #governments #prioritise #health #care #priorities #taxpayers #money
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Spending taxes
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
health
care
 by governments is a very discussed question for
people
, some think that it could be
Correct article usage
a nessesary
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nessesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 issue to spend more
while
 others believe that there are more important priorities for taxpayers' money. In my opinion,
its
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it's
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 very important to stimulate
health
care
 properly, because it can help to
be
Verb problem
make
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health
care
 more qualified and cheaper, but it should not be forgotten that other tax spending priorities can improve life
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 which could lead to
smaller
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a smaller
the smaller
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 amount of
people
needed
Wrong verb form
needing
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health
care
.
Firstly
, increasing the amount of taxes for
health
care
 and prioritising
this
 sector could
get
Verb problem
have
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great
Correct article usage
a great
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 impact
for
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on
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 medicine, making it better.
People
 with
health
 issues will get more qualified
health
 because
medicine
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the medicine
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 will become more popular with
studens
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students
 and
hospitals
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hospital
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 staff will be more paid.
Also
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Also,
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 there will be more complex equipment available and staff able to
comminicate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 with.
As
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For
show examples
 example, strong
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 like cancer could be detected earlier and more accurately, which could decrease lethal cases
from
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of
show examples
such
 illnesses.
On the other hand
, inappropriate tax spending
for
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in
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 one direction
coul
Correct your spelling
could
 lead to problems for other sectors in
people
's
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
. Imported and produced products can become more expensive,
some
Correct word choice
and some
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 groups of
people
 may
could
Remove a modal verb
apply
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not afford appropriate food which leads to problems with
stomach
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the stomach
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 and increases
load
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the load
show examples
 for
medicine
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the medicine
show examples
 sector.
Otherwise
, developing other directions may increase
overall
 life level decreasing amount of
people
needed
Wrong verb form
needing
show examples
health
care
.
For instance
, with
high
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highly
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 developed infrastructure and
wide
Add an article
a wide
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 variety of entertainment
people
fell
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feel
show examples
 less stressed and they don't need much mental
health
care
.
To sum up
with
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apply
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, prioritising tax spending for
health
care
 might dramatically improve
this
segment
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segment's
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quallity
Correct your spelling
quality
,
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apply
show examples
 unless other
direction
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directions
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 are not suffered,
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
such
decision
Correct article usage
a decision
show examples
 might have
critical
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a critical
show examples
 effect
to
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on
show examples
 taxpayers.
Submitted by i.dany24s on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs. Some transitions feel abrupt, affecting coherence. Use more cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly.
Task Response
Refine your argument by clearly differentiating between each viewpoint. Clearly articulate benefits and limitations without blending arguments.
Lexical Resource
Increase precision in vocabulary, e.g., 'issues' instead of 'question,' 'diseases' instead of 'deseases.' This will enhance clarity.
Task Response
Use specific examples or studies that show results of increased health spending or effects of poor infrastructure. This will strengthen argumentation.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, outlining both perspectives clearly.
Conclusion
The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively, restating the need for balanced approaches to tax allocation.
Task Response
The essay provides a balanced examination of both viewpoints, presenting a fair discussion on how tax allocation impacts health care and other sectors.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Fundamental need
  • 2. Economic growth and development
  • 3. Workforce productivity
  • 4. Preventive health care
  • 5. Cost-effective
  • 6. Long-term outcomes
  • 7. Health disparities
  • 8. Social equity
  • 9. Socioeconomic status
  • 10. Vulnerable populations
  • 11. Infrastructure
  • 12. Quality of life
  • 13. Knowledgeable workforce
  • 14. Economic propellers
  • 15. Balanced approach
  • 16. Diverse allocation
  • 17. Societal development
  • 18. Robust economic performance
  • 19. Public funds
  • 20. Health system burden
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