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Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graph below show the changes in UK birth rate in 6 different age groups from 1973 to 2008.

The line graph below show the changes in UK birth rate in 6 different age groups from 1973 to 2008.
#line #show #changes #uk #birth #rate #age #groups
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The line graph compares the shifts in the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
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 across six diverse
age
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 categories in the United Kingdom during the period from 1973 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the greatest decline was seen among younger
women
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,
while
Linking Words
 that of
women
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 in their thirties remains more stable.
This
Linking Words
 trend suggests potential changes in social factors affecting childbearing decisions in the UK. The
birth
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 rates declined for all
age
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groups
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 except 30-35-year-olds between 1973 and 2008. The steepest decline in
birth
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rate
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 was seen among teenagers (under 20), which fell from nearly 60 per 1,000
women
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 in 1973 to less than 10 per 1,000
women
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 in 2008. The figure for
women
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 aged 20-25
also
Linking Words
 declined significantly, from around 90 per 1,000
women
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 in 1973 to under 40 per 1,000
women
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 in 2008. The
birth
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rate
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 in
aged
Correct article usage
the aged
show examples
 30-35 group fluctuated slightly but remained
stably
Change the word
stable
show examples
 throughout the period, ranging between 70 and 80 per 1,000
women
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. The figure for older
age
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groups
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 (35-39, 40 and over)
also
Linking Words
 declines, but at a slower
rate
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 than younger
age
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groups
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. Moving on to the rest, the significant decline in
birth
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 rates among teenagers (under 20) and young adults (20-25) suggested a possible change in social attitudes or priorities in the UK. Factors
such
Linking Words
 as educational attainment or career opportunities may be influencing decisions about childbearing in these
age
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groups
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. The relatively stable
birth
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rate
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 for
women
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 aged 30-35 may indicate a trend towards
women
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 having children later in life.
Submitted by ng.hg.ly28 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, rate, age, women, groups with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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