The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last years. Discuss the causes and effect of this issue disturbing trend.

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In the
last
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few years, western society witnessed an improvement in the percentage of overweight
children
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by almost 20%. In
this
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essay, I will discuss the main causes of
obesity
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the obesity
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problem
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and how to solve
children
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from
this
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problem
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. To commence with the problems,
first,
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children
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do not practise enough sport in their
day
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, sitting all
the
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apply
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day
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from home to school makes their
movemonet
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movement
movements
hard and
slowly
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slow
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, which can lead to
the
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apply
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obesity.
second,
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modern transport encourages them to not walk and reach their destination by
restting
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resting
restating
on
vehicle's
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vehicle
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benches, walking is
the
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a
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significant part
in
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of
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humans
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human
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health that if anyone
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avoids
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avoid
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avoid it
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, it will back on them with different diseases.
For instance
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,
parents
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who rely on buses to reach their
children
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to school because they are more safe.
Finally
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, fast food that nowadays
kids
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consume
it
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apply
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in
unhealthy
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an unhealthy
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way. When we talk about solutions for the first
problem
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,
school
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schools
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should add a fitness class every
day
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and teach
children
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how to practise sports and its importance,
parents
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can
also
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help by joining
kids
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in sports clubs.
For example
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, every football club offer a small club for
children
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to learn how to play football and improve their skills. Government can solve the second
problem
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through
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by
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adding safe and wider walking paths in
nighbourhoods
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neighbourhoods
and public streets. As for the
last
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problem
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problem,
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parents
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can help by making three meals each
day
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for their
kids
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and
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
them lessons about the disadvantages of fast food eating. The community can
also
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help by providing more healthy restaurants. In conclusion, the large number of overweight
children
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is increasing
from
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due to
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the bad habits that
children
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are
get
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getting
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used to
it
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apply
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such
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as sports they practise, transportation they depend on and daily food. We can help to decrease the large number by giving
advices
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advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
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for
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to
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government
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the government
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, schools and the most significant ones
parents
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to enhance
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kids
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kids'
kid's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by danall1kat on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance logical flow by ensuring each paragraph clearly relates to the others.
Task Achievement
Ensure each point is well-supported with examples or explanations to make the argument more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the clarity of ideas by structuring sentences in a more direct manner.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both causes and solutions, providing a comprehensive view on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
Task Achievement
The topic is relevant, and attempts are made to support the ideas with examples.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health concern
  • sedentary behavior
  • high-calorie, low-nutrient
  • processed foods
  • physical activity
  • genetic predispositions
  • type 2 diabetes
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • psychological issues
  • low self-esteem
  • depression
  • social and economic effects
  • healthcare systems
  • life expectancy
  • academic performance
  • future productivity
  • public health campaigns
  • food industry practices
  • nutrition
  • lifestyle choices
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