The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last years. Discuss the causes and effect of this issue disturbing trend.

#percentage #children #society #years #effect #trend

In the

last

few years, western society witnessed an improvement in the percentage of overweight

children

by almost 20%. In

this

essay, I will discuss the main causes of

obesity

Add an article

the obesity

show examples

problem

and how to solve

children

from

this

problem

. To commence with the problems,

first,

children

do not practise enough sport in their

day

, sitting all

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

day

from home to school makes their

movemonet

Correct your spelling

movement

movements

hard and

slowly

Change the word

slow

show examples

, which can lead to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

obesity.

second,

modern transport encourages them to not walk and reach their destination by

restting

Correct your spelling

resting

restating

vehicle's

Change noun form

vehicle

show examples

benches, walking is

the

Correct article usage

show examples

significant part

Change preposition

show examples

humans

Change the noun form

human

show examples

health that if anyone

Change the verb form

avoids

show examples

avoid

Correct pronoun usage

avoid it

show examples

, it will back on them with different diseases.

For instance

parents

who rely on buses to reach their

children

to school because they are more safe.

Finally

, fast food that nowadays

kids

consume

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

unhealthy

Change the article

an unhealthy

show examples

way. When we talk about solutions for the first

problem

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

should add a fitness class every

day

and teach

children

how to practise sports and its importance,

parents

can

also

help by joining

kids

in sports clubs.

For example

, every football club offer a small club for

children

to learn how to play football and improve their skills. Government can solve the second

problem

through

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show examples

adding safe and wider walking paths in

nighbourhoods

Correct your spelling

neighbourhoods

and public streets. As for the

last

problem

Add a comma

problem,

show examples

parents

can help by making three meals each

day

for their

kids

and

give

Wrong verb form

giving

show examples

them lessons about the disadvantages of fast food eating. The community can

also

help by providing more healthy restaurants. In conclusion, the large number of overweight

children

is increasing

from

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due to

show examples

the bad habits that

children

are

get

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getting

show examples

used to

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

such

as sports they practise, transportation they depend on and daily food. We can help to decrease the large number by giving

advices

Change the wording

advice

pieces of advice

bits of advice

show examples

for

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show examples

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

, schools and the most significant ones

parents

to enhance

kids

Change noun form

kids'

kid's

show examples

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

Submitted by danall1kat on Sat Oct 19 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Enhance logical flow by ensuring each paragraph clearly relates to the others.

Task Achievement

Ensure each point is well-supported with examples or explanations to make the argument more persuasive.

Coherence and Cohesion

Improve the clarity of ideas by structuring sentences in a more direct manner.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses both causes and solutions, providing a comprehensive view on the issue.

Coherence and Cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.

Task Achievement

The topic is relevant, and attempts are made to support the ideas with examples.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

311 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

public health concern
sedentary behavior
high-calorie, low-nutrient
processed foods
physical activity
genetic predispositions
type 2 diabetes
cardiovascular diseases
psychological issues
low self-esteem
depression
social and economic effects
healthcare systems
life expectancy
academic performance
future productivity
public health campaigns
food industry practices
nutrition
lifestyle choices

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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last years. Discuss the causes and effect of this issue disturbing trend.

Your opinion

New technologies and ways of buying and selling goods are transforming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

As parents, they should be required to attend parenting courses every year to bring up their children well and give them a better environment for growth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is expected there will be a higher proportion of old people than young people in the future in some countries. Do you think it is positive or negative development?

In some places, young people find it difficult to communicate with older people. Why is this? What are the solutions? .