Some people think that parents should limit the time their children spend watching TV and playing computer games and encourage them to read books instead. Do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that there must be
a
limited screen time Correct article usage
apply
to
Change preposition
for
the
young minds and Correct article usage
apply
instead
motivate them to grab and read books. This
essay will discuss why I agree on
restrictions Change preposition
with
of
exposure to Change preposition
on
the
Correct article usage
apply
children on
visual gadgets.
Generally, controlling the amount of time on Change preposition
children's
the
young people's usage of artificial screens is part of the discipline. Correct article usage
apply
In addition
to the method of discipline, enormous exposure to video games can be unhealthy especially
to the Add the comma(s)
, especially
eye sight
of children Correct your spelling
eyesight
ageing
below 7. Wrong verb form
aged
According to
opthalmologists
, the visions are not fully developed until the child Correct your spelling
ophthalmologists
will reach
the age of seven. Wrong verb form
reaches
Thus
, if a growing kid is submerged at an early stage on this
screens, Correct determiner usage
these
then
there will be a huge risks
of eye problems later in life.
Aside from the threat Correct the article-noun agreement
risk
on
the person's Change preposition
to
eye sight
, problems may arise on the mental side. Correct your spelling
eyesight
This
is due creating
a "virtual world" Change preposition
to creating
in
the person's perspective. Change preposition
from
As a result
, the youth may entertain ideas of violence, suicide and crimes. On
the long run, it will be hard to differentiate between the real world and virtual fantasies.
On the one hand, the benefits of reading can help an individual to increase Change preposition
In
ability
Correct pronoun usage
their ability
his ability
her ability
on
vocabulary and grammar. Change preposition
in
Additionally
, through reading books, a child can be train
to use critical thinking skills. Change the verb form
be trained
Consequently
, this
is more practical as these skills will be helpful for academic purposes. Take an example, there are terminologies that the person will encounter at an early age will
be advantageous during tests, exams and other future situations.
In conclusion, Correct pronoun usage
that will
although
screen time is highly entertaining to children, it can be detrimental for
their health Change preposition
to
such
as physical and mental aspect
. Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
Whereas
, reading a book is the
activity as it boosts skills Correct article usage
an
on
language Change preposition
in
such
as vocabulary and grammar.Submitted by emmagallares on
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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or evidence to back up your claims. For instance, citing particular studies or statistics could strengthen your argument about the effects of screen time on children's eyesight.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the position you are taking on the topic, setting a strong foundation for your essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, reinforcing your overall argument.
task achievement
You presented a balanced argument by discussing both the drawbacks of screen time and the benefits of reading, which shows a well-rounded perspective on the issue.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example