Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programes (for example working for a charity, improving the nighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). What extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programes #charity #nighborhood #sports #children

I think in today's world, children are becoming more and more lazy compared with older generations, mostly

due to

the

advant

Correct your spelling

advantage

of technology.

This

makes them more

unexperienced

Correct your spelling

inexperienced

show examples

, which is not a good case. To prevent

this

, we can give kids some jobs to do

while

they are still in school to give them some experience. The best

choise

Correct your spelling

choice

in my

oponion

Correct your spelling

opinion

, is

comunity

Correct your spelling

community

service

Firstly

comunity

Correct your spelling

community

service

the

Add a missing verb

is the

show examples

right

choise

Correct your spelling

choice

because it is a

benefitial

Correct your spelling

beneficial

thing and it helps people who need it or maybe even saves

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

nature,

while

also

benefits

Wrong verb form

benefiting

show examples

the person doing it in many ways.

For example

, the

humen

Correct your spelling

humans

doing the job can get some work experience and

also

help

them selves

Correct your spelling

themselves

show examples

in emotional ways.

Acctually

Correct your spelling

Actually

, some individuals join the

comunity

Correct your spelling

community

service

team to make

them selves

Correct your spelling

themselves

show examples

feel better in life as it gives them a sense of being

affective

Correct your spelling

effective

show examples

Moreover

, children can benefit a lot from all the facts above. But, the most

benefitial

Correct your spelling

beneficial

factor which is the one

that is

enough to make

comunity

Correct your spelling

community

service

compusory

Correct your spelling

compulsory

part of education, is that it gives them a sense of influence and effect.

This

helps them to gain

self confidence

Add a hyphen

self-confidence

show examples

not to mention

the gain of

experiece

Correct your spelling

experience

and work skill knowledge. In conclusion,

comunity

Correct your spelling

community

service

is a really smart idea which is good for both parties.

Also

, it can really be helpful for children in school, who need to gain

self confidence

Add a hyphen

self-confidence

show examples

and knowledge in work

fileds

Correct your spelling

files

fields

, as these are essential factors for a learner.

Submitted by Taha Sol. on Sat Oct 19 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Work on improving sentence variety and making transitions between ideas smoother for better flow and coherence.

Task Achievement

Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points and make your argument stronger.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.

Task Achievement

Your main idea, that community service is beneficial for both societal and personal growth, is effectively communicated.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

250 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programes (for example working for a charity, improving the nighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). What extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is thought by some that it is better to live in a city while others believe that life is beer in the countryside. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only place available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What it your opinion about this?