Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programes (for example working for a charity, improving the nighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). What extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I think in today's world, children are becoming more and more lazy compared with older generations, mostly
due to
Linking Words
the
advant
Correct your spelling
advantage
of technology.
This
Linking Words
makes them more
unexperienced
Correct your spelling
inexperienced
show examples
, which is not a good case. To prevent
this
Linking Words
, we can give kids some jobs to do
while
Linking Words
they are still in school to give them some experience. The best
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
in my
oponion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, is
Use synonyms
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
service
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
service
Use synonyms
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
right
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
because it is a
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
thing and it helps people who need it or maybe even saves
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature,
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
benefits
Wrong verb form
benefiting
show examples
the person doing it in many ways.
For example
Linking Words
, the
humen
Correct your spelling
humans
doing the job can get some work experience and
also
Linking Words
help
them selves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
in emotional ways.
Acctually
Correct your spelling
Actually
, some individuals join the
Use synonyms
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
service
Use synonyms
team to make
them selves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
feel better in life as it gives them a sense of being
affective
Correct your spelling
effective
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, children can benefit a lot from all the facts above. But, the most
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
factor which is the one
that is
Linking Words
enough to make
Use synonyms
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
service
Use synonyms
a
compusory
Correct your spelling
compulsory
part of education, is that it gives them a sense of influence and effect.
This
Linking Words
helps them to gain
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence
show examples
,
not to mention
Linking Words
the gain of
experiece
Correct your spelling
experience
and work skill knowledge. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
service
Use synonyms
is a really smart idea which is good for both parties.
Also
Linking Words
, it can really be helpful for children in school, who need to gain
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence
show examples
and knowledge in work
fileds
Correct your spelling
files
fields
, as these are essential factors for a learner.
Submitted by Taha Sol. on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving sentence variety and making transitions between ideas smoother for better flow and coherence.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points and make your argument stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
Task Achievement
Your main idea, that community service is beneficial for both societal and personal growth, is effectively communicated.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: