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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

(Table) The table below gives information related to population growth, average birth per woman, life expectancy at birth in countries with different income levels in 2000 and 2004. Summarise the information making comparisons where relevant.

(Table) The table below gives information related to population growth, average birth per woman, life expectancy at birth in countries with different income levels in 2000 and 2004. Summarise the information making comparisons where relevant.
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The table illustrates some shifts of the information in three categories
population
Use synonyms
growth
Use synonyms
, average birth and
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 in different incomes between 2002 and 2004 .
Overall
Linking Words
, as can be seen, Low
income
Use synonyms
 had the largest
population
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 high
income
Use synonyms
 had fewer Portion of percentage.
However
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 average
population
Use synonyms
growth
Use synonyms
 had nearly the same points in high and
middle
Use synonyms
income
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 low countries had a significant
population
Use synonyms
growth
Use synonyms
 in 2002 and 2004 from 1.8% to 200% .
Moreover
Linking Words
,the average of women births in both years was around 3.8 to 3.7 .
In addition
Linking Words
, the
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 was the lowest percentage for two years
remained
Wrong verb form
remaining
show examples
 at the same point between 58.1 and 58.8 of
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
middle
Use synonyms
 and high were the biggest figures.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, for high and
middle
Use synonyms
 had nearly
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 number in the two categories in the
middle
Use synonyms
 countries was dominant 2 years around 0.9% more than the high
income
Use synonyms
 was 0.8%. to 0.7% of
population
Use synonyms
growth
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, in the
middle
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
income
Add a comma
income,
show examples
 the average birth per woman was bigger than in high countries.
Finally
Linking Words
, by 2002 and 2004 the
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 was the highest number around 78.0 to 78.7.
while
Linking Words
 In the
middle
Use synonyms
 were Fewer points.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, growth, life, expectancy, income, middle with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Population growth rate
  • Average birth per woman
  • Life expectancy at birth
  • Income levels
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Trends
  • Demographic factors
  • Correlations
  • Improvements
  • Declines
  • Statistics
  • Comparisons
  • High-income countries
  • Low-income countries
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