IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Government should spend on public services such as healthcare and education rather than art like painting, and drawing. To what extent do you agree or agree?

#government #services #healthcare #education #art
Some
people
 consider that The
government
 should spend on public needs,like hospitality or education.
However
, others argue that the
government
 must focus on culture,
such
 as painting and drawing. In my point of view,I totally agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the idea
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
 the
government
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to spend the budget
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 healthcare and education, because both of them
incredibly
Add a missing verb
are incredibly
show examples
 important. At the outset, the first class should
give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 medicine. The reason is that if citizens have
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with their health,the
government
 won't scare any
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
, health problems or pandemies.
Moreover
, the
government
 will have healthy,young,motivated and
energizer
Replace the word
energised
show examples
people
,who will build
Correct article usage
a
show examples
future
.
For instance
, Japan spent dozens of
million
Fix the agreement mistake
millions
show examples
 $
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 healthcare after
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
second
Capitalize word
Second
show examples
 World War. And at the moment,
people
 in
Hirosima
Correct your spelling
Hiroshima
 or Nagasaki,where
nucler
Correct your spelling
nuclear
 bombs
bumbed
Correct your spelling
bumped
 are free,healthy and ready to increase
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 economy.
To sum up
, if the
government
 spend money to increase
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of medicine at the moment,it
invistigate
Correct your spelling
investigate
 to
future
.
Furthermore
,another important sphere is teaching,because if
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 focuses
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation's learning system now,these students will fly to Mars in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
future
.In any part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history,kings or presidents
gave
Correct your spelling
have
show examples
 huge
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of money to
teaching
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
 young
people
.
As a result
, students,who studied in the past, are working as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
show examples
,
minister
Fix the agreement mistake
ministers
show examples
 or
president
Fix the agreement mistake
presidents
show examples
 too.Children learn all
important
Correct article usage
the important
show examples
 information,which will
need
Wrong verb form
be needed
show examples
 in their
future
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 teachers at schools.
Moreover
, they can use these data,when they have tricky problems,misunderstandings or dilemmas. In conclusion, If
people
 want
independance
Correct your spelling
independence
,
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 life,and better
sequirty
Correct your spelling
security
,the
government
 should pay more money
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 medicine and
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
.Because of
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 mentioned before, the
government
 must
have to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spend much more amount of cash
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these spheres.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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grammar
Consider reviewing punctuation and spacing between words and commas to improve readability.
content development
Try to develop your points more comprehensively with additional examples and explanations.
cohesion and coherence
Ensure each paragraph flows logically into the next to enhance coherence.
structure
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
clarity of argumentation
The argument in support of increased spending on healthcare and education is clearly presented.
use of examples
The essay uses a historical example (Japan after WWII) to support the argument, which is relevant.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • fundamental need
  • quality healthcare
  • productive society
  • economic opportunities
  • educational opportunities
  • socio-economic status
  • cultural expression
  • budget constraints
  • future prospects
  • creativity and innovation
  • cultural heritage
  • balanced approach
  • pragmatic solution
  • thriving arts sector
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