IELTS Writing Correction Service / Writing Samples / Band 7 Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Some
people
believe that advertising encourages us to purchase things that we do not need. Others believe that advertisements
are necessary because they inform us about new products
which might bring changes in our lives. I personally agree that advertisements
are important because they inform us about the launch of a new product
,
and the usefulness of a Remove the comma
apply
product
.
Advertisements
are important because they inform us about the new products
in market
. Add an article
the market
Advertisements
are the
messages about new Correct article usage
apply
products
. When a new product
is launced
in the market, its company circulates Correct your spelling
launched
advertisements
about it. As a result
, people
know there is something new in the market. For example
, when a new product
is launched in Bangladesh, its company circulates advertisements
in both print and electronic media. People
after seeing those advertisements
know about the product
and want to try it.
Moreover
, Advertisements
tell us about the necessity of a product
. People
should know about the necessity of a product
before purchasing it. Without advertisements
, describing the usefulness of a product
is not possible. Advertisements
convince customers about why this
product
is useful, how to use it, and how it will impact the lives of people
. Without knowing that, they will not be encouraged to buy that product
. For example
, Devondale butter
company has convinced customers about Capitalize word
Butter
the
nutrient values Change the word
its
of
Change preposition
apply
it
through their Correct pronoun usage
apply
advertisements
. Therefore
, people
are buying it.
In conclusion, I agree that advertisements
are important because they let the public know about new products
. Advertisements
also
desbribe
about the usefulness of Correct your spelling
describe
describes
described
products
.Submitted by rahman_rehana on
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task achievement
To elevate your essay further, consider exploring counterarguments in a bit more depth and addressing them. This will demonstrate a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary sentence structure and length to create a more engaging and dynamic rhythm in your writing.
task achievement
Your essay clearly presents your viewpoint and supports it with relevant examples, which provides a solid foundation for your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph presents a distinct point, well-supported with examples, showing good organizational skills.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite