IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

IELTS Writing Correction Service / Writing Samples / Band 7 Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that advertising encourages us to purchase things that we do not need. Others believe that
advertisements
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 are necessary because they inform us about new
products
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 which might bring changes in our lives. I personally agree that
advertisements
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 are important because they inform us about the launch of a new
product
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and the usefulness of a
product
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.
Advertisements
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 are important because they inform us about the new
products
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 in
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
.
Advertisements
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 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
messages about new
products
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. When a new
product
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 is
launced
Correct your spelling
launched
 in the market, its company circulates
advertisements
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 about it.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
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 know there is something new in the market.
For example
Linking Words
, when a new
product
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 is launched in Bangladesh, its company circulates
advertisements
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 in both print and electronic media.
People
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 after seeing those
advertisements
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 know about the
product
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 and want to try it.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Advertisements
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 tell us about the necessity of a
product
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.
People
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 should know about the necessity of a
product
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 before purchasing it. Without
advertisements
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, describing the usefulness of a
product
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 is not possible.
Advertisements
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 convince customers about why
this
Linking Words
product
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 is useful, how to use it, and how it will impact the lives of
people
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. Without knowing that, they will not be encouraged to buy that
product
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.
For example
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, Devondale
butter
Capitalize word
Butter
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 company has convinced customers about
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 nutrient values
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
through their
advertisements
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
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 are buying it. In conclusion, I agree that
advertisements
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 are important because they let the public know about new
products
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.
Advertisements
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also
Linking Words
desbribe
Correct your spelling
describe
describes
described
 about the usefulness of
products
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
To elevate your essay further, consider exploring counterarguments in a bit more depth and addressing them. This will demonstrate a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary sentence structure and length to create a more engaging and dynamic rhythm in your writing.
task achievement
Your essay clearly presents your viewpoint and supports it with relevant examples, which provides a solid foundation for your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph presents a distinct point, well-supported with examples, showing good organizational skills.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • artificial needs
  • impulsive purchases
  • human psychology
  • innovative products
  • quality of life
  • educational advertisements
  • beneficial technologies
  • celebrity endorsements
  • attractive visuals
  • mislead consumers
  • consumerism
  • excessive waste
  • environmental harm
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavioural changes
  • economic growth
  • market competition
  • consumer spending
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