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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the protein and calorie intakes of people in different parts of the world.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the protein and calorie intakes of people in different parts of the world.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
the
chart
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 indicates the different averages of
protein
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 and calories in four areas,
in addition
Linking Words
, the
chart
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 ultimates the domination of North
America
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however
Linking Words
 the peak
point
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 of
protein
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 and
calorise
Correct your spelling
calories
,
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meanwhile
mainwhile
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while
 India is the lowest
point
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 at only 13 of animals the lowest
point
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 of both figures, The first
chart
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 gives the highest number of both types of
protein
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 (animal and other
protein
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) at 62 and 18, respectively.
While
Linking Words
 the lowest average
protein
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 is India at 13 animal
protein
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 and 15 other
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protein
Fix the agreement mistake
proteins
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, East Africa gives (16 and 15), and Latin
America
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 at ( 32 and 13).
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the second
chart
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 shows the average of calories, obviously the averages are not quite far compared with the
protein
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 averages,
however
Linking Words
, North
America
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 still dominates the scene with the peak
point
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 at 3500
in contrast
Linking Words
, India still has the lowest average at 2000, meanwhile East Africa and Latin
America
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 reach 2200 and2800 respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, protein, america, point with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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