The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

#information #location #dance #classes #people #town #australia #summarise #features #comparisons

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The given data demonstrates the place and kinds of dance

classes

Use synonyms

that are being participated by youth in Australia.

Overall

Linking Words

, the majority of attendees would

instead

Linking Words

engage in private studios

than

Rephrase

rather than

show examples

other locations.

In addition

Linking Words

, most of the under 11 participants attend ballet

classes

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

the highest number of people who are between 11 and 16 years old embark on modern

classes

Use synonyms

. Looking at more details about a pie chart, the most popular location for people who dance in Australia is private studios,

whereas

Linking Words

a mere one in ten of all attendees participate in college-based studios.

This

Linking Words

figure for school halls is approximately a fifth of all dancers. Moving on to more details about the bar chart, 600 under 11 Australian dancers prefer to attend ballet

classes

Use synonyms

In contrast

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

rate for tap

classes

Use synonyms

and modern

classes

Use synonyms

is about 450 and around 300, respectively.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, above 500 11 to 16 years old members of the public embark on modern

classes

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

a negligible 300 dancers engage in ballet

classes

Use synonyms

. Review suggestions 2

Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on Sun Oct 20 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words classes with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

172 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

attending
currently
location
variety
ballet
hip-hop
contemporary
jazz
venues
popularity
attendees
juxtaposing
correlating
proximity
cultural influences
trends
anomalies
monopoly
proportion
distribution
enrollment

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The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

Fast food is becoming a part of people's daily life everwhere, and this has had negative effects on our lifestyle and diet. Do you agree or disagree?

some people beleive that it is important to keep the home and the work place tidy and organized. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view.

Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security to their families. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered

Consumers are faced with increasing number of advertisements from competing companies. To what extent do you think are consumers influenced by advertisement ? what measure can be taken to protect them.

'People who do not use social media networks* will always fall behind in career development opportunities.' To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction?