The older generations tend to have very traditional idea about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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These days many
of
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who
is
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are

The verb is does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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a
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an

The article a may be incorrect. Consider changing it to agree with the beginning sound of the following word eldery.

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eldery
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elderly

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people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

they
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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try to improve themselves
about
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in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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thier
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their

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act So, some
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

think that they can not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

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be like
them
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they

It appears you have used the object pronoun them in a subjective position. Consider changing it.

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act
becaue
Correct your spelling
because

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they
not
Add a missing verb
do not

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the
Add a missing verb
have the

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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same mind and thinking.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction While. Consider removing the comma.

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others believe that good idea to take it in
thier
Correct your spelling
their

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life.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal opinion.
In
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On

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one
Correct article usage
the one

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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hand, the elderly
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who
is think
Change the verb form
think

It appears that the form of the verb think does not work with is in this sentence.

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they can
cotrol
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control

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in
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the new generation maybe will
be not succeed
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not succeed

It appears that the form of the verb succeed does not work with be in this sentence.

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for many
of
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
thier
Correct your spelling
they

If you don’t want thier to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

think it is not the same
think
Correct your spelling
thing

The word think doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and they are breeding it is varies maybe will be not can do it.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
Correct your spelling
elderly
eldrly
Correct your spelling
elderly

If you don’t want eldrly to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can make
new
Add an article
a new

The noun phrase new idea seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas

It seems that idea may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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about
them self
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themself

The word them self seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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task achievement
Try to develop each point with more detailed and clear ideas. Introduce both sides of the argument clearly before presenting your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, supporting sentences with detailed explanations, and, if possible, examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on your sentence structure and grammar to make the essay easier to follow.
task achievement
You have attempted to present both sides of the argument, which is good practice in an essay like this.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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