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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some scientists believe that studying of behavior of three-year-old children can tell which children would grow up to be criminals. To what extent in your opinion is a crime a product of human nature? Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?

Certain researchers propose that examining the
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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 of three-year-olds may predict their likelihood of becoming criminals in adulthood. From my concept of life, I would argue in
this
Linking Words
 essay that an unlawful act can be
inherent
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an inherent
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 part of
intrinsic
Correct article usage
the intrinsic
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 qualities of people, but the
Use synonyms
environments
Fix the agreement mistake
environment
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 plays a crucial role in shaping an
individuals’s
Correct your spelling
individual’s
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 personality and and future actions.
Moreover
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, lowering the rate of children
engage
Wrong verb form
engaging
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 in illegal activity is within reach. To commence with,
it’s
Correct pronoun usage
there’s
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huge
Add an article
a huge
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 debate between nature
versus
Correct word choice
and versus
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 environment. Regarding the former, human nature encompasses inherent qualities
such
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 as self-preservation, competition, and risk-taking. When these instincts surface in extreme situations, they can manifest as breaking the law.
For instance
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, an
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
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,
due to
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 an innate sense of survival, resorts to theft during a time of severe scarcity.
This
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 act can be seen as a product of human nature, which
driven
Add a missing verb
is driven
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 by instinctual needs and desires.
However
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, context is key.
While
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 these innate tendencies might influence
behavior
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behaviour
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,
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environments
Replace the word
environmental
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 factors, social conditioning, and personal experiences play
significantly
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significant
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 roles in shaping actions. In terms of socioeconomic status, growing up in poverty or in
neighborhoods
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neighbourhoods
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 with high
crime
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 rates can
nomalize
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normalize
 criminal
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
 and create a sense of
hopeless
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hopelessness
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, driving individuals toward
crime
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 as a
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
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 of survival or escape.
Besides
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 it, the
important
Replace the word
importance
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 of societal factors, a society with prevalent cultures that glorify violence or criminal
behavior
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behaviour
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 can influence individuals to act
similarly
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. Despite the causes that contributed to the unlawful acts of people, it’s never too late to prevent it, especially when it comes to children. In order to
preventing
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prevent
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 delinquency, the qualities of family and school must be considered seriously. Because,
a stable, supportive family
Correct the article-noun agreement
stable, supportive family environments
a stable, supportive family environment
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environments
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 can build a strong foundation. Positive role models and good parenting will reduce the prospect of kids committing
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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.
Furthermore
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, the school
environments
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 can significantly affect the personality of
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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. Kids are usually influenced by their peers,
a
Correct word choice
and a
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healthy social circle encourages positive
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
;
therefore
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, schools should provide a good structure for students. In conclusion, it’s
complex
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a complex
the complex
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 interplay between basic instincts and
and
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apply
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the
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
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 that
shaping
Wrong verb form
shapes
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 their actions,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 the impact of
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 is relatively more important.
Additionally
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, it is possible to steer away
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 from
crime
Use synonyms
 if they can grow up in a nurturing and supportive
environemnt
Correct your spelling
environment
.

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coherence cohesion
Consider organizing the essay into clear paragraphs with distinct topics. This will improve the overall logical structure and make your arguments easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and avoid repetitive sentences. Transition between ideas smoothly to create a coherent flow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points, particularly in discussing how environmental factors influence behavior. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
task achievement
You present a balanced discussion on the nature versus nurture debate, which demonstrates a good grasp of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and conclusion, providing a complete structure and effectively framing your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion offers a concise summary of the essay's main arguments and reinforces the importance of a nurturing environment in preventing future criminal behavior.
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