IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more adults have continued to live with their parents for many years after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages of this choice outweigh disadvantages?

#adults #parents #years #education #jobs #choice
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many adults after graduation and finding jobs continue to live with their families at the same home for many years. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of not changing
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 after reaching
adults
Fix the agreement mistake
adult
show examples
 age, and why I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. To commence with advantages, when individuals continue to live with their
parents
Use synonyms
 and not live in private apartments helps strengthen the relationship between them by spending more time with their families and enjoy sharing the small moments together.
For instance
Linking Words
, when they share meals every day and talk about their daily news.
Moreover
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,
parents
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 can give their children
advices
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advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
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 or support when they
need
Correct pronoun usage
need it
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, or individuals help by taking care of their
parents
Use synonyms
 when they are sick or maybe by money. When we talk about disadvantages, young people
in
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apply
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the age of working,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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should take responsibility
of
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for
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 all aspects
in
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of
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 their life including they should learn to earn money and pay for their own apartment, as for their meals, they need to learn how to
Add a missing verb
be independ
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independ
Correct your spelling
independent
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and cook all the three meals every day,
additionally
Linking Words
, if they have a partner they it is necessary to live far away from their family house and live with the partner in special house. In conclusion, it is better for single
worker
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workers
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 to continue living with their
parents
Use synonyms
 and siblings for an enjoyable life
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
full of happiness and loved ones until they get married they need to move to learn how to become more independent persons.
Submitted by danall1kat on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Try to better connect your ideas by using linking words or phrases. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The advantages of living at home are well-explained with relevant points such as strengthening family bonds and mutual support.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial benefit
  • supportive network
  • cultural expectations
  • family cohabitation
  • family bonds
  • lack of privacy
  • personal space
  • emotional dependency
  • mental dependency
  • life's pressures
  • inter-generational conflicts
  • lifestyle differences
  • familial relationships
What to do next:
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