IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The increase in production and consumption of meat has resulted in the destruction of the natural environment. What is the cause?What can be done to solve the problem?

#production #consumption #meat #destruction #environment
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Some
people
 believe that
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
 and consumption of
meat
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 detrimental to the
environment
. The cause of
this
problem
 is
raising
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an increasing
number
 of
farm
animals
. The solution to
this
problem
 is
people
 should be encouraged to become
vegeterians
Correct your spelling
vegetarians
.
Production
 and consumption of
meat
destructs
Verb problem
destroy
show examples
 the natural
environment
 because the
number
 of
farm
animals
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 increasing. To meet the demand of a large
number
 of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
meat
production
 needs to be increased.
Therefore
, the
number
 of
farm
animals
 have been increased. Raising
this
 large
number
 of
farm
animals
 results in a significant amount of
carbon
emissions
, which is harmful to the
environment
.
For example
, in Australia, raising
farm
animals
 for
meat
production
 covers 56% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
carbon
emissions
 of the
country
. To solve
this
problem
,
people
 should be inspired to become vegetarians. If
people
 of a
country
 mostly consume
Correct article usage
a vegeterian
show examples
vegeterian
Correct your spelling
vegetarian
 diet, there will be no need for raising
farm
animals
 for
meat
 consumption. The
environment
 of the
country
 will be saved,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
carbon
emissions
 will be reduced, and the natural environmental
destructions
Fix the agreement mistake
destruction
show examples
 will no longer
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
happend
Correct your spelling
happen
.
For instance
, in India, around 65% of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 is
vegeterians
Correct your spelling
vegetarians
vegetarian
,
therefore
,
this
country
 is free from the environmental hazards related to
meat
production
. In conclusion, the cause of natural
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
destructions
Fix the agreement mistake
destruction
show examples
 is
Correct article usage
the raising
show examples
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
number
 of
farm
animals
 because of the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
carbon
emissions
.
Solution
Add an article
The solution
A solution
show examples
 to
this
problem
 is inspiring
people
 to become
vegeterians
Correct your spelling
vegetarians
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task response
Provide more detailed and varied examples to reinforce your arguments. While the essay does mention Australia and India, including data or examples from other regions could strengthen the overall argument.
task response
Consider using more nuanced language to express ideas more effectively. Some sentences might come across as overly simplistic and can benefit from more varied vocabulary or complex sentence structures.
coherence cobalt-cohesion
Vary your conjunctions and transitions to enhance the flow of ideas. This can help prevent the essay from feeling repetitive.
task response
The essay clearly identifies a specific problem: the environmental impact of increased meat production and consumption.
coherence cobalt-cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay with clear paragraphing and a concise conclusion that summarizes the main points.
coherence cobalt-cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion, providing a clear sense of completion to the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • intensive farming practices
  • deforestation
  • feed crops
  • resource-intensive
  • environmental degradation
  • antibiotics and hormones
  • pollutes
  • methane emissions
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • global warming
  • plant-based diets
  • sustainable farming practices
  • rotational grazing
  • agroforestry
  • environmental footprint
  • policies and incentives
  • public awareness
  • responsible consumption
  • lab-grown meat
  • alternative protein sources
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