IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The increase in production and consumption of meat has resulted in the destruction of the natural environment. What is the cause?What can be done to solve the problem?

#production #consumption #meat #destruction #environment
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
Use synonyms
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
 and consumption of
meat
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 detrimental to the
environment
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. The cause of
this
Linking Words
problem
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 is
raising
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an increasing
number
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 of
farm
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animals
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. The solution to
this
Linking Words
problem
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 is
people
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 should be encouraged to become
vegeterians
Correct your spelling
vegetarians
.
Production
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 and consumption of
meat
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destructs
Verb problem
destroy
show examples
 the natural
environment
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 because the
number
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 of
farm
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animals
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 increasing. To meet the demand of a large
number
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 of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
meat
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production
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 needs to be increased.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of
farm
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animals
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 have been increased. Raising
this
Linking Words
 large
number
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 of
farm
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animals
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 results in a significant amount of
carbon
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emissions
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, which is harmful to the
environment
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in Australia, raising
farm
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animals
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 for
meat
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production
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 covers 56% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
carbon
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emissions
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 of the
country
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. To solve
this
Linking Words
problem
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,
people
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 should be inspired to become vegetarians. If
people
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 of a
country
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 mostly consume
Correct article usage
a vegeterian
show examples
vegeterian
Correct your spelling
vegetarian
 diet, there will be no need for raising
farm
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animals
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 for
meat
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 consumption. The
environment
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 of the
country
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 will be saved,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
carbon
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emissions
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 will be reduced, and the natural environmental
destructions
Fix the agreement mistake
destruction
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 will no longer
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
happend
Correct your spelling
happen
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in India, around 65% of
population
Add an article
the population
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 is
vegeterians
Correct your spelling
vegetarians
vegetarian
,
therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
country
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 is free from the environmental hazards related to
meat
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production
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. In conclusion, the cause of natural
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environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
destructions
Fix the agreement mistake
destruction
show examples
 is
Correct article usage
the raising
show examples
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
farm
Use synonyms
animals
Use synonyms
 because of the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
carbon
Use synonyms
emissions
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.
Solution
Add an article
The solution
A solution
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 is inspiring
people
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 to become
vegeterians
Correct your spelling
vegetarians
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task response
Provide more detailed and varied examples to reinforce your arguments. While the essay does mention Australia and India, including data or examples from other regions could strengthen the overall argument.
task response
Consider using more nuanced language to express ideas more effectively. Some sentences might come across as overly simplistic and can benefit from more varied vocabulary or complex sentence structures.
coherence cobalt-cohesion
Vary your conjunctions and transitions to enhance the flow of ideas. This can help prevent the essay from feeling repetitive.
task response
The essay clearly identifies a specific problem: the environmental impact of increased meat production and consumption.
coherence cobalt-cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay with clear paragraphing and a concise conclusion that summarizes the main points.
coherence cobalt-cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion, providing a clear sense of completion to the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • intensive farming practices
  • deforestation
  • feed crops
  • resource-intensive
  • environmental degradation
  • antibiotics and hormones
  • pollutes
  • methane emissions
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • global warming
  • plant-based diets
  • sustainable farming practices
  • rotational grazing
  • agroforestry
  • environmental footprint
  • policies and incentives
  • public awareness
  • responsible consumption
  • lab-grown meat
  • alternative protein sources
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