IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for e.g. working for a charity improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programs #e #g #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
There are some statements insisting that high
school
students
 should have a compulsory duty to get involved in unpaid community service.
As a result
, I definitely agree that it should be taken as a part of high
school
 programs. Despite learning academic knowledge, teenagers who study in high
school
 are still fostering their sense of responsibility, which can't be learnt from those textbooks. The way that those
students
 can cultivate their recognition is by taking action
instead
 of reading books.
Therefore
, it is necessary for schools or even governments to enforce the training of raising social responsibility. What can
students
 do in the programs could be clean the neighbourhood, volunteer in hospitals to help patients, or teach sports to children after
school
. All of that behaviour could have positive effects on society.
Moreover
, by doing these, juveniles can
also
 get a sense of achievement by making contributions to the districts.
However
,
although
 helping others is absolutely the best method to improve
students
 themselves, there should be a time limitation for those volunteered works, to illustrate it, those works can't be overloaded
thus
 leading to some negative influences on
students
' academic performance.
For example
, it is more correct for
students
 to make use of weekend days and spare time to do those work rather than at their
school
 time. In conclusion, it can play an important role in the development of teenagers' skills by forcing them to engage in community service
whereas
 there is a premise that it can't backfire on studying,
that is
, specific regulations should be imposed.
Submitted by n6160978224716 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are clearly distinguished and developed with equal attention.
task achievement
Try to reinforce your essay with additional specific examples or statistics.
task achievement
Focus on using a variety of sentence structures to enhance the reader's experience.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively open and close the discussion, providing a clear stance on the topic.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-rounded perspective, acknowledging the benefits and potential drawbacks, showing a balanced approach to the argument.
task achievement
The range of vocabulary and sentence structures used is appropriate and helps convey ideas clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: