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Band 5

It is predicted that robots are going to become increasingly important in our lives. How could robot be used in the future? Will this be a positive or a negative development?

#robots #lives #robot #future #be #development
Because of what
robots
 can do these days and how they affect the world by doing
every thing
Correct your spelling
everything
show examples
people
 can do, it is predicted that the number of
robots
 will increase in the future and they will take a significant part of our lives. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both the positive and negative aspects of robotics. To commence with the positive side,
robots
 will do anything in the world. They
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
will be beneficial ,especially for the difficult
jobs
 that
have
Verb problem
pose
show examples
 a risk
in
Change preposition
to
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human's
Change noun form
human
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 lives.
For instance
, cleaners will give
robots
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
jobs
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 required from them to clean
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tall buildings.
Additionally
,
robots
 can do the work in halved
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 that takes
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
humans to do it, as they can produce double the quantity of what humans usually produce. When we talk about
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
 side,
robots
 will take almost all
jobs
 from
people
, and
people
 will not find a place to earn money
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, and
this
leads
Wrong verb form
will lead
show examples
 to a poor community and
people
 will struggle to offer essential goods for
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 and their families.
Moreover
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
workplaces usually make their employees move their bodies,
this
 movement is necessary for
individuals'health
Correct your spelling
individuals
, and
robots
 will lead
people
 to become
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 lazy and unhealthy. In conclusion,
robots
 will control the whole world in the future.
People
 can take some
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 them
such
 as employing
robots
 and they will do whatever
people
 want in a short period and perfect results, but for some
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
 it is a bad invention because
robots
 will take their
jobs
 and their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 will
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
worsen
Replace the word
worse
show examples
.
Submitted by danall1kat on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical progression of ideas to achieve better coherence throughout the essay. Structure your points more explicitly between and within paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to substantiate your points. This will help clarify your arguments and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, with an overall structure that addresses the task.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both the positive and negative aspects of the topic, showing an understanding of different perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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