The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, employees spend
great
amount of Add an article
a great
time
in their workplace, and there is an opinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
suggests
that Wrong verb form
suggesting
workforce
must get weekends longer than it is now and the working weeks must be shorter. I totally agree with Correct article usage
the workforce
this
initiative because allowing them to get more free time
reduces the burn out
chances and increases the task Join the words
burnout
performance
.
One of the main causes why firms and workplaces should reduce working time
during the week is to protect their workers
from getting into condition
called job Add an article
a condition
burn out
. Correct your spelling
burnout
While
the main cause of working is money gaining, achieving this
goal with working beyond the body's actual capacity results in the workers
having hate feelings toword
their jobs. Correct your spelling
toward
towards
Although
some of these feelings can lead workers
to give up their dreams
job, Change the noun form
dream
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
this
can grow up to give more serious outcome, like suicide. For example
, the rate of sucide
among Correct your spelling
suicide
workers
was minimium
in countries Correct your spelling
minimal
were
people had more holidays, Correct your spelling
where
while
other
countries like South Korea where the average weekly working hours is 60 the rate was higher.
The other main reason why hiring firms should give more free Change preposition
in other
time
to their people is to help them get their
higher level of Change the word
a
task achieving
Add a hyphen
task-achieving
performance
. When an empolyee
spends more Correct your spelling
employee
time
with his family and have
his own social Correct subject-verb agreement
has
live
, he will have a goal pushing him to Replace the word
life
work
harder and
a family to discuss his project with and a company to talk about his achievement. Correct word choice
apply
However
, taking this
free time
from him will give him the sensation of lack
of goal, which Correct article usage
a lack
then
affects his work
performance
. For example
, a study in the US pointed out that when workers
spend more time
with there
family and friends and Correct your spelling
their
work
less
hours during the week, they report that their task Change the quantifier
fewer
performance
and work
connection increased
.
In conclusion, giving the Wrong verb form
increase
wrokforce
more Correct your spelling
workforce
time
to spend with their relatives increase
their Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
work
productivity and reduce
the opportunity of having Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
work
burn out
. So I believe reducing the working days and increasing the free Correct your spelling
burnout
times
will be Fix the agreement mistake
time
in
the side of both employers and Change preposition
on
employee
.Fix the agreement mistake
employees
Submitted by
on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is focused on a single idea or argument and that this is clearly stated at the beginning of the paragraph. This will help maintain a more coherent structure throughout the essay.
task achievement
Carefully check for minor language inaccuracies and improve sentence structures to deliver ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Make sure each idea is fully explained and justified to present an effective and convincing argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and supports it with valid reasoning and examples, particularly highlighting how more free time can reduce burnout and improve work performance.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an effective introduction and conclusion, which clearly outline the main position and summary of arguments.
task achievement
Specific examples and statistics are effectively used to support the main points, particularly the comparison of suicide rates in different countries based on their working hours.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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