The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, employees spend
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
amount of
time
in their workplace, and there is an
opinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
suggests
Wrong verb form
suggesting
show examples
that
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
must get weekends longer than it is now and the working weeks must be shorter. I totally agree with
this
initiative because allowing them to get more free
time
reduces the
burn out
Join the words
burnout
show examples
chances and increases the task
performance
. One of the main causes why firms and workplaces should reduce working
time
during the week is to protect their
workers
from getting into
condition
Add an article
a condition
show examples
called job
burn out
Correct your spelling
burnout
show examples
.
While
the main cause of working is money gaining, achieving
this
goal with working beyond the body's actual capacity results in the
workers
having hate feelings
toword
Correct your spelling
toward
towards
their jobs.
Although
some of these feelings can lead
workers
to give up their
dreams
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dream
show examples
job,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
this
can grow up to give more serious outcome, like suicide.
For example
, the rate of
sucide
Correct your spelling
suicide
among
workers
was
minimium
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minimal
in countries
were
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where
show examples
people had more holidays,
while
other
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in other
show examples
countries like South Korea where the average weekly working hours is 60 the rate was higher. The other main reason why hiring firms should give more free
time
to their people is to help them get
their
Change the word
a
show examples
higher level of
task achieving
Add a hyphen
task-achieving
show examples
performance
. When an
empolyee
Correct your spelling
employee
spends more
time
with his family and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
his own social
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
, he will have a goal pushing him to
work
harder
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a family to discuss his project with and a company to talk about his achievement.
However
, taking
this
free
time
from him will give him the sensation of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of goal, which
then
affects his
work
performance
.
For example
, a study in the US pointed out that when
workers
spend more
time
with
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
family and friends and
work
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
hours during the week, they report that their task
performance
and
work
connection
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
. In conclusion, giving the
wrokforce
Correct your spelling
workforce
more
time
to spend with their relatives
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
their
work
productivity and
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
the opportunity of having
work
burn out
Correct your spelling
burnout
show examples
. So I believe reducing the working days and increasing the free
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
will be
in
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on
show examples
the side of both employers and
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is focused on a single idea or argument and that this is clearly stated at the beginning of the paragraph. This will help maintain a more coherent structure throughout the essay.
task achievement
Carefully check for minor language inaccuracies and improve sentence structures to deliver ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Make sure each idea is fully explained and justified to present an effective and convincing argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and supports it with valid reasoning and examples, particularly highlighting how more free time can reduce burnout and improve work performance.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an effective introduction and conclusion, which clearly outline the main position and summary of arguments.
task achievement
Specific examples and statistics are effectively used to support the main points, particularly the comparison of suicide rates in different countries based on their working hours.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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