Ther win ndek should be shorter and workers should have a
Nowadays, employees spend a great amount of
time
in their workplace, and there is an opinion suggesting that the workforce must get weekends longer than it is now and the working weeks must be shorter. I totally agree with this
initiative because allowing them to get more free time
reduces the
burnout chances and increases Correct article usage
apply
the
task Correct article usage
apply
performance
.
One of the main causes why firms and workplaces should reduce working time
during the week is to protect their workers
from getting into a condition called job burnout. While
the main cause of working is money gaining, achieving this
goal with
working beyond the body's actual capacity results in the Change preposition
by
workers
having hate feelings toward their jobs. Although
some of these feelings can lead workers
to give up their dream job, sometimes this
can grow up
to Verb problem
lead
give
more serious Verb problem
apply
outcome
, like suicide. Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
For example
, the rate of suicide among workers
was minimal in countries where people had more holidays, while
in other countries like South Korea where the average weekly working hours is 60
the rate was higher.
The other main reason why hiring firms should give more free Add a comma
60,
time
to their people is to help them get a higher level of task-achieving performance
. When an employee spends more time
with his family and has his own social life, he will have a goal pushing him to work
harder a family to discuss his project with and a company to talk about his achievement. However
, taking this
free time
from him will give him the sensation of a lack of goal, which then
affects his work
performance
. For example
, a study in the US pointed out that when workers
spend more time
with their family and friends and work
fewer hours during the week, they report that their task performance
and work
connection increase.
In conclusion, giving the workforce more time
to spend with their relatives increases their work
productivity and reduces the opportunity of having work
burnout. So I believe reducing the working days and increasing the free time
will be on the side of both employers and employees.Submitted by
on
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task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on why weekends should be longer and workweeks shorter, but some arguments could be more developed to fully achieve the task.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follow with supporting details, avoiding any disjointed ideas.
task achievement
Aim for more detailed examples and elaboration of points to enhance clarity and depth of the essay.
task achievement
The essay successfully uses examples to support its claims, particularly the comparison between different countries regarding suicide rates and work hours.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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