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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #numbers #participants #activities #centre #melbourne #australia #period #summarise #features #comparisons
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This
Linking Words
 graph shows how many people were participants
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 five different
acivities
Correct your spelling
activities
 at the social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 the information that the popularity of film
Use synonyms
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 and martial arts
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
deffiently
Correct your spelling
definitely
 stable during these periods of time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the number of participants in
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
club
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the
most higher
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 compared to
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 activities for twenty years.
Besides
Linking Words
, the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of members of musical
perfomances
Correct your spelling
performances
 began to grow quite
good
Change the word
well
show examples
 from 2005 to 2020.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the number of participants
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 table tennis
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 pretty stable from 2000 to 2010, but the demand indicator
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
club
Use synonyms
 increased rapidly since 2010.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, there were the
Use synonyms
club
Capitalize word
Club
show examples
 of
amateur dramatics
Correct your spelling
Amateur Dramatics
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, the quality of members of
this
Linking Words
 activity
rosed
Correct your spelling
rose
show examples
 slightly in 2005, but
then
Linking Words
 it fell very much until 2020. In conclusion, I would like to say that the growth and decline of these clubs could depend on their demand in different years.
Submitted by oanastasia974 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words club with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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