IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that in many cities around the world there are constant traffic jams. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from owning cars?

#car #ownership #thirty #years #cities #world #traffic #jams #measures #governments #people #cars
Over
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 thirty years,
car
ownership
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 more common in human life.
This
 situation is causing a lot of
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
show examples
 for
people
,
such
 as huge traffic congestion and air pollution. How true is
this
 statement and how popularity of
this
 trend can be reduced? In fact, problems with increasing
car
ownership
 significantly affected
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 world. To exemplify, some roads are not adapted to heavy congestion of vehicles. Because of
this
,
people
 aren’t able to get
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their job or educational institutions on time.
Moreover
,
this
 isn’t beneficial for the state, which needs
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
, educating
people
 for work and economic development Second problem is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air pollution, which occurs
due to
 the huge harmful gases that come out of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cars. Nature and health of
people
 are strangling, it becomes unbearable to live in
such
 places. In my opinion,
problem
Add an article
the problem
a problem
show examples
 with increasing
car
ownership
 can be solved by developing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
transport infrastructure. States should buy more buses and trams and expand the metro system. With
such
 reforms, the load on the roads will decrease, and more
people
 will switch to public transport which is beneficial for governments.
In addition
, air pollution would decrease rapidly because of these actions. These changes can improve
people
’s safety and quality of life,
while
also
 greatly benefiting the city’s environment and natural surroundings.
Overall
,
this
 is a fact that the popularity of
car
ownership
 has increased dramatically over the
last
 thirty years. Unfortunately,
this
 has created a lot of problems that need to be solved.
Submitted by aakbarov2010 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that every main idea is fully explained and supported by examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea and contribution to the overall topic.
coherence cohesion
Develop a nuanced introduction and conclusion that neatly encapsulate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has clearly defined sections, which helps in understanding the structure.
task achievement
The topic is tackled from multiple angles, recognizing both the problem and possible solutions.
coherence cohesion
Sentences have a clear sense of direction, enhancing readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: