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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Transport preference among young people The bar chart below shows transport preferences among young people in four countries in a single year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Transport preference among young people The bar chart below shows transport preferences among young people in four countries in a single year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#transport #people #bar #preferences #four #countries #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar chart illustrates
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of children who prefer to use 3 particular types of transport
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 4 nations.
Overall
,
it is clear that
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
 is by far the most popular transport in all nations,
while
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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 is true for
motorcycle
Correct article usage
a motorcycle
show examples
.
Also
, it can be seen that The figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
France
 shows identical results,
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 contrast
of
Change preposition
to
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 others. Looking at the details, Italy's percentage of using bicycle shows as almost similar
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the US with about 10 %,
while
 In
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
this
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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is much
more
Change the word
apply
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bigger than
former
Correct article usage
the former
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 ones with
20
Correct article usage
a 20
show examples
%
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
difference,
whereas
 In
France
 it stands at about 45 %, which is most preferable transport system in the
France
. Turning to the car, UK and US both
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 similar numbers, at 60%, whilst in
France
 it displays , quite twice as little as Italy with 40% and 75 % respectively.
Finally
, Motorcycle is in
minority
Correct article usage
the minority
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all across the states, where Three countries stand almost in
one tenth
Add a hyphen
one-tenth
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, with
exception
Correct article usage
the exception
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 of US people who tend to use motorbikes more often than not
Correct your spelling
than
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then
 others,
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 outweigh them, by 20 %.
Submitted by halilova039 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words france with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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