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Band 5

Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centres provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#families #parents #members #grandparents #care #children #childcare #centres
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These days, in many families both parents are working. Some working parents think that
grandparents
Use synonyms
 should look after their
children
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
childcare
Use synonyms
centres
Use synonyms
 are the best in
this
Linking Words
 regard. I personally believe that
while
Linking Words
grandparents
Use synonyms
 instill
tradiational
Correct your spelling
traditional
 values in their grandchildren,
childcare
Use synonyms
 facilities are the most suitable option for taking
care
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 of
children
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 because they are
professionals
Use synonyms
.
Grandparents
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 should take
care
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 of their grandchildren.
While
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 nurturing them,
grandparents
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 teach them traditional values
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and behaviours. If a child is taken
care
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by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
 his
grandparents
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, he learns to respect others
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and becomes kind and empathetic. Eventually, he will become a good human being when he will be an adult.
For example
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, in Canada, around 56% of mothers believe that their
children
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 learn good behaviours from their grandmothers.
However
Linking Words
, I personally believe that
although
Linking Words
grandparents
Use synonyms
 have
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 in nurturing
children
Use synonyms
, they are not
professionals
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.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
childcare
Use synonyms
centres
Use synonyms
 are good options for raising
children
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 because the staff are
professionals
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 field. All
childcare
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professionals
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 go through some
specialize
Replace the word
specialised
show examples
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
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 before they join their work.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they know how to handle different
tantrum
Fix the agreement mistake
tantrums
show examples
 of each child.
Childcare
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professionals
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 well-behaved, and independent.
For example
Linking Words
, in Australia, parents mainly depend on
childcare
Use synonyms
centres
Use synonyms
 to take
care
Use synonyms
 of their
children
Use synonyms
 because they believe their
children
Use synonyms
 learn to behave well there.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that
childcare
Use synonyms
centres
Use synonyms
 are the best option to raise
children
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should be raised in
childcare
Use synonyms
centres
Use synonyms
 because they know how to take proper
care
Use synonyms
 of
children
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.
Grandparents
Use synonyms
 are experienced in rearing
children
Use synonyms
, but they do not have professional
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Make sure to address both views equally in the discussion to present a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs by using linking words or phrases.
task achievement
Expand on examples with more specific details to better illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, giving it a well-rounded framework.
task achievement
The argument is generally clear and addresses the task effectively with relevant points.
coherence cohesion
You provided good reasons and examples to support your viewpoints.
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