Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is undeniable that
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
is very important
insociety
Correct your spelling
in society
,
thus
some people believe that private healthcare should not be run by profit. I believe with
existency
Correct article usage
the existency
show examples
of
private
Add an article
the private
show examples
sector in
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
the disadvantages
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighed
the advantages.
This
essay will examine some advantages of private companies.
To begin
with, the most revenue of non-public companies is come from selling
Correct your spelling
products
producs
Correct your spelling
products
and services,
Submitted by masry.pakpahan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider expanding on why private healthcare should not be profit-driven and provide more examples and arguments to support your thesis.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay flows smoothly by linking your ideas and using connectives. This can improve the logical structure.
task achievement
Develop your main points further by adding more support and examples.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic and given an opinion regarding private healthcare.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage for your argument, which is a good start.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit-making companies
  • medical services
  • public healthcare systems
  • state-of-the-art facilities
  • personalized care
  • innovation and efficiency
  • equity and access
  • public institutions
  • healthcare disparity
  • accessibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: