Some people think that education should be the responsibility of the government but others think that it is the responsibility of the individuals themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is a contentious issue whether politics should take
the
accountability for Correct article usage
apply
people
education or Change noun form
people's
it
should be each human responsibility to educate well. I concur that the government should give society Correct word choice
whether it
the
access to knowledge; Correct article usage
apply
however
, individuals are the one
who are in charge of Correct pronoun usage
ones
the
own future.
Change the word
their
To begin
with, some believe that the most effective way to acknowledge humans is to oblige them to do so. According to
this
theory, higher public institutions should set the curriculum and put
the obligation to follow it. Thanks to that, citizens would have the same basic knowledge and the country itself can develop faster. Certainly, highly educated locals are essential to Verb problem
have
become
a powerful economy and constantly Change the verb form
becoming
grow
.
Wrong verb form
growing
On the other hand
, it causes many problems when the system is not suitable for everyone. Some people require different approaches and the government frequently forgets about it. For example
, there are some outstanding artistic talents who could focus on it from an early age; however
, because of the
other obligations they don't have enough time to practice their real point of interest. It is a common belief that school not only takes timeCorrect article usage
apply
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
kills creativity. Therefore
, it sounds reliable to let individuals have influence on their own lives as well.
In my opinion, we should make educating
very flexible. The average information should be commonly known and policy should give Replace the word
education
an
easy access to it. Remove the article
apply
Nevertheless
, I opt that there should be a way for kids to schedule own
day Correct pronoun usage
their own
Change preposition
in the
the
way Correct article usage
a
it
will allow them to engage Correct pronoun usage
that
into
Change preposition
in
passions
. Correct pronoun usage
their passions
For example
, individual classes could be finance for very talented students.
To sum up
, some people argue about who should be responsible for the education. Making it fully dependent on governmental decisions is good for some but not everyone. Nevertheless
, extraordinary students may want to be independent from politics and follow their own path. I think the best option is to have some rules that may be changeable according to
the individual cases.Submitted by Aga
on
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Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to better support your points. Illustrating your ideas with real-world examples can strengthen your argument and improve clarity.
Task Achievement
Make sure your ideas are clearly communicated. Some sentence structures could be improved for better clarity. Proofread your work to ensure ideas are fully developed and expressed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your ideas more logically within paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and supports the main argument of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Link your ideas more effectively between sentences and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words to show the relationship between ideas, improving the overall flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which appropriately wrap up the discussion.
Task Achievement
You have addressed both views on the topic, discussing the role of government and individuals in education.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.