Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases, or should individuals have the right to choose not to vaccinate their children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, children
are suffer
from diseases that could be prevented through the use of vaccines. There are two points of view. Some Change the verb form
are suffering
peple
think that it must be a law to make parents Correct your spelling
people
to
immunise their children against these diseases, Change the verb form
apply
whereas
others think otherwise
.
On the one hand, it is better to create a law that makes parents to
use of vaccines for their children. Using Change the verb form
apply
a vaccines
on time could significantly change the future life of your child. Correct the article-noun agreement
vaccines
a vaccine
That is
why, it is vety
important to prevent Correct your spelling
very
such
diseases in childhood. Furthermore
, there are too many examples of how forgotten health problems in childhood influenced in
Change preposition
apply
futher
person's life. A majority of Correct your spelling
further
scientests
and Correct your spelling
scientists
doctores
Correct your spelling
doctors
says
that almost every health problem can be recovered in Correct subject-verb agreement
say
such
small
age without any consequences.
Correct article usage
a small
On the other hand
, it has another side of view. Young parents worring
about Correct your spelling
worry
of
side effects. Change preposition
apply
Due to
this
mind
, unfortunately, their child has huge problems with his health in future. Because his or her immune system is not adapted Correct your spelling
mindset
for
any changes in Change preposition
to
Correct article usage
the enviroment
enviroment
.
Ultimately, I think that Correct your spelling
environment
advantages
of Correct article usage
the advantages
such
law
Correct article usage
a law
outweight
the disadvantages. It is Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
also
very important to invest a huge sums
Correct the article-noun agreement
huge sums
a huge sum
for
Change preposition
in
medical
industry.Add an article
the medical
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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your arguments by ensuring that each paragraph is connected with clear linking words or phrases. This will help in establishing a coherent progression of ideas.
Task Achievement
Support your points with more specific examples or evidence. This will make your argument more convincing and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Work on expanding ideas within the paragraphs to make them more comprehensive. Consider explaining the impact or implications of each point you raise.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument, addressing the issue of mandatory vaccination and parental choice.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, setting the context and summarizing the position taken.
Task Achievement
There's an attempt to provide reasoning for both perspectives, showing an effort to balance the discussion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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