Some people believe that our happiness depend on how much money we have. Others say that ‘money cannot buy happiness.’ Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?
It is a topic of great debate
that
whether Correct word choice
apply
money
is the most important aspect of individual joy or other
factors are worth consideration. In my viewpoint, the latter view holds more weightage as compared to the former view and reasons to support my stance are elaborated in the following paragraphs.
Correct word choice
whether other
To begin
with, those who think finance is a crucial aspect assert that with money
one can spend on materialistic things such
as house
, cars, clothing etc that can bring Add an article
a house
feeling
of contentment and happiness in people's Add an article
a feeling
the feeling
life
,
because in Remove the comma
apply
todays
world of materialism individuals compare themselves with other people who are happy by looking at these luxuries.
Change to a genitive case
today's
On the other hand
, those who support the other side opine that family is one of the important factors. Indeed, without loved ones
an individual could not think about being happy because dear ones play a crucial role when we talk about happiness. To illustrate, Mr Ratan Tata, Head of the Tata Group, spent his Add a comma
ones,
life
being alone, but in his old age
he said publically that Add a comma
age,
money
cannot buy joy, without a few good family relations. Thus
, near and dear ones have an important role in making an individual's life
happy.
Adding more to it, health
is an
another factor to look upon. In fact, a person with ample Remove the article
apply
money
but without good health
cannot live a happy life
. For example
, according to
a
research conducted in the USA, about 53 Correct article usage
apply
percent
of Change the spelling
per cent
masses
consider Correct article usage
the masses
health
is
the only way to live happily becauseCorrect your spelling
as
,
it gives them Remove the comma
apply
freedom
to live their Add an article
the freedom
life
the way they want in matters of movement and food. Hence
, a fit body is an
another aspect worth consideration.
Remove the article
apply
To sum up
, it is right to say that money
can buy many things but when it is compared with family and health
, in order to, stay happy then
the latter aspects has
a pivotal role to play in living a joyous Correct subject-verb agreement
have
life
.Submitted by mrsdns on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea with clear topic sentences.
task achievement
Refine sentence structures to improve clarity and reduce complexity where possible.
task achievement
Support your arguments with a wider range of specific, relevant examples to strengthen your points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt in a thorough manner, considering multiple perspectives on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effective, providing a clear stance and summarizing the key points.
coherence cohesion
The arguments are logically structured, flowing smoothly from one point to the next.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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