Write about the following topic: More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
For
last
Correct article usage
the last
decades
, obesity in kids Correct quantifier usage
few decades
have
been increased Particularly in affluent countries. There are Change the verb form
has
widely
Change the word
wide
concern
about Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
this
challenging
. I believe we must first address it is root causes. Replace the word
challenge
in
Change preposition
apply
this
essay will explore the causes of obesity among of the childeren
and examine its effects on them.
First and the most important causes are sedentary lifestyles that lead Correct your spelling
children
childeren
to opt Correct your spelling
children
console
games Change preposition
for console
instead
of physical activities due to
they can not act whatever they want or most of them are not allow
Wrong verb form
allowed
go
outside. Fix the infinitive
to go
additionally
, some parents
do not encourage their kids to do physically
entertainment. Change the word
physical
Moreover
, Despite There are
some Wrong verb form
being
specefic
Correct your spelling
specific
area
for sport, Fix the agreement mistake
areas
parents
do not play and even accompany them such
as soccer, basketball and so on. For instance
, last
generations had Correct article usage
the last
freedom
to go out and play with their peers and the computer-based game did not exist. The effects can be significant, especially on children's health Add an article
the freedom
such
as poor posture,
Correct word choice
and, higher
higher
risk of developing chronic conditions Correct article usage
a higher
such
as diabetes in future.
Furthermore
, childeren
do not Correct your spelling
children
access
to Add a missing verb
have access
healty
meals because their Correct your spelling
healthy
parents
in machinary
world are so busy and do not a plenty of time to Correct article usage
the machinary
preparing
homemade meals, Wrong verb form
prepare
Thus
they are forced to provide fastfood
or Correct your spelling
fast food
junckfood
. in Correct your spelling
junk food
an
Correct article usage
apply
addition
aggressive Marketing Add a comma
addition,
are
responsible for Change the verb form
is
this
issue due to
with
appealing advertisements and promotions. Change preposition
apply
this
happen
would impact Verb problem
apply
on
nutrient deficiencies because Change preposition
apply
processes
foods Replace the word
processed
are lacks
essential vitamins, minerals and so on.
to some up, Regarding Change the verb form
lack
to
Remove the preposition
apply
childeren
more Correct your spelling
children
an
more becoming overweight. From my Correct your spelling
and
Correct your spelling
perspective
perespective
If we continue like Add a comma
perespective,
this
, We will probably witness inevitable damage on
young Change preposition
to
peoples
. we should as Fix the agreement mistake
people
parents
take into account this
issue and devoting
much more time Wrong verb form
devote
for
our Change preposition
to
offsprings
.Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
Submitted by mahyarnaseri on
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language
Improve grammatical structure and verb usage, e.g., 'obesity in kids have been' should be 'obesity in children has been.'
language
Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'there are widely concern' should be 'there is widespread concern.'
organization
Enhance the use of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support the main point regarding unhealthy eating habits.
introduction
The introduction clearly outlines the intention to explore causes and effects of childhood obesity, providing a clear starting point.
task response
The essay provides a structured approach to discussing both causes and effects, addressing both aspects of the prompt.
coherence
Overall coherence is maintained with a clear separation between discussing causes and effects.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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