Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is a fact that most
of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
are living longer than in the past and this
leads to the new approach of raising the retirement age significantly. I totally disagree with this
view, as I think older people
have less energy
and cannot be focused
as they used to be in their early life. Another argument is that the new generation needs new workplaces and they come with more new ideas.
Rephrase
as focused
To begin
with, getting older comes with many other health problems. Being active after your 60s is not very easy, because many people
do not have the energy
to make more physical or mental effort. Older people
have memory and focus issues, which comes
with the risk of making mistakes in their workplace. Others are not able to put effort or complete their job, because of many physical limitations. They do not have motivation and some of them are not capable anymore to resolve their tasks at work as they did when they were younger.
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
Secondly
, after the retirement of a generation ,more new workspaces are available for the younger one
. They are becoming more specialized and qualified, and Correct pronoun usage
ones
as a
result
they all are looking for more opportunities and new workplaces to put their Add a comma
result,
energy
and effort into. Nowadays, younger people
come with more ideas and new approaches, which helps more companies to develop and improve their results. They have the energy
to work on new projects and to achieve more in different fields which is a positive aspect for our society.
To conclude
, because many people
are living much longer does not mean that the age at which people
retire from work should be raised markedly. Firstly
, the
older Correct article usage
apply
people
have more health problems and on the other
hand
new workspaces should be available for the new generations.Add a comma
hand,
Submitted by inaveriga on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
specific examples
To enhance task achievement, consider including more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. This will strengthen your response and make it more persuasive.
comprehensive ideas
While your ideas are clearly presented, adding more detail and specific examples could make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
introduction conclusion
The essay presents a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your stance and summarizing the argument.
logical structure
Your essay demonstrates a good structure where each paragraph has a clear main point.
logical structure
The transition between paragraphs is smooth, and your ideas are logically sequenced, contributing to overall coherence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!