Some people say that in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
In
this
21st century, the rapid growth in atmospheric changes and infrastructure issues has been seen in recent years. Few individuals think that to tackle the health problems and chronic diseases government should focus on reducing pollution and housing problems. I agree with this
statement but upto
some extent and will discuss it in Correct your spelling
up to
following
.
Correct article usage
the following
To begin
with, administration
should make legal laws to stop Add an article
the administration
the
Correct article usage
apply
water
pollution instead
of making new factories. To elaborate, chemical
are Fix the agreement mistake
chemicals
throwing
the waste materials Wrong verb form
thrown
in
rivers or oceans. Common Change preposition
into
people
consume water
from there, after
drinking that Correct word choice
and after
water
masses are getting serious health problems. For example
, in 2020 more than 100 people
were
died Unnecessary verb
apply
by
Change preposition
from
water
in which high pevel
of sodium Correct your spelling
level
levels
was
found and Correct subject-verb agreement
were
this
was published by National
newspaper.
Correct article usage
the National
Moreover
, individuals who are working in factories or doing labour work do not have enough money to build shelter for themselves. Instead
of constructing new parks in cities authorities should raise money to provide shelter to poor people
. As well as
, homeless people
found difficulties in winte
, specifically in January and December to find shelter.
Correct your spelling
winter
wine
However
, for providing
Change preposition
to provide
good
education to all students, Correct article usage
a good
administration
should provide funds and loans to Add an article
the administration
student's
parents so that they Fix the agreement mistake
students'
are
give their kids Verb problem
can
better
education. Add an article
a better
For instance
, survey
conducted by a Add an article
a survey
T.V
channel shows that Correct your spelling
TV
number
of children going to school Change the article
a number
the number
in
Change preposition
apply
this
year is significantly higher. This
is because of the funds which government
is spending.
Correct article usage
the government
To conclude
, authorities should focus on tackling issues such
as infrastructing houses and atmosphere changes whereas
they should also
concentrate on another difficulties
Replace the adjective
another difficulty
other difficulties
which
poor Change preposition
with which
people
are struggling.Submitted by kaursaijbir on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows logically into the next. Use linking devices more effectively to connect ideas.
task achievement
Some points require further development and detail to make your argument more convincing. Ensure each point is fully explained.
task achievement
The essay addresses both environmental pollution and housing problems, which are relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a clear structure to follow.
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