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Band 5

Health care has always been a challenge to most governments. Some people think that governments should collect fat tax because fattening food increases the risk of diseases. Others, however, believe that people should be free to choose their own diet. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#health #care #challenge #governments #people #tax #food #increases #risk #diseases #diet
Health care has been a contentious issue
debate
Replace the word
debated
show examples
 in most countries,
whereas
 some
people
 believe that governments should make new
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
requlation
Correct your spelling
regulations
relate
Wrong verb form
related
show examples
 to
tax
 collection for
unhealty
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
foods
 because
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the risk of illness.
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 others argue that
people
 have
their
Change the word
the
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to decide what they want to eat. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
individuals
 should be aware of and acknowledge theirself about the importance of health. So, they can choose their
food
 wisely.
Overall
, fast
food
 and
unhealty
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
food
 are always
taking
Verb problem
paying
show examples
 attention
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 appealing appearance and good taste,
however
,
individuals
 often overlook the nutritional
comptitions
Correct your spelling
components
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealty
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
foods
 and
potential
Correct pronoun usage
their potential
show examples
 impacts on health.
This
 lack of
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 will lead to
ilnees
Correct your spelling
issues
 which most governments
had
Verb problem
are
show examples
 concerned
.
Change preposition
about.
show examples
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand,
people
 argue that the governments should make new regulations regarding to
tax
 of
unhealty
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
foods
,
thus
, factories will limit
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
 of fast
foods
due to
 high taxes.
For example
, Australia has applied
this
 strategy by
adjust
Change the verb form
adjusting
show examples
tax
Add an article
the tax
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
unhealty
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
foods
, leading to
limitation
Replace the word
limited
show examples
 production of fast
foods
.
On the other hand
,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
 argue that
indivuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 should be free to choose their own diet. The reasons for that could be because
individuals
want
Verb problem
apply
show examples
always have many options.
For instance
,
people
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 want to lose their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
foods
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 some
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 or
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 certain
food
. In conclusion,
healtcare
Correct your spelling
health
 is one of the challenging
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 faced
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 most
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
, some
people
 think that increasing
fat
Correct article usage
the fat
show examples
tax
 could be a possible solution,
in contrast
, others argue,
individuals
Correct word choice
that individuals
show examples
 should be free to choose their
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
 to consume, which I think the
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 of
individuals
 should be improved to
aknowledge
Correct your spelling
acknowledge
theirself
Correct your spelling
their self
 about the impacts of
unhealty
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
food
,
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 they can still consume it, but know how to control.
Submitted by masry.pakpahan on

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task achievement
Work on ensuring a broader range of specific examples and evidence to support your points, enriching your task achievement score.
coherence and cohesion
Aim to develop paragraphs with a more comprehensive range of linking words and phrases for better cohesion throughout the essay.
task achievement
Ensure complete responses by elaborating on points with further details and address both views with a balanced approach in order to cover the entire task.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The argument is structured with clear paragraphs, which helps guide the reader through your reasoning.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt presenting both sides of the argument effectively.

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