IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that watching Tv is a good and makes life more enjoyable. Others , however, feel that it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many individuals believe that TV is a great source of entertainment, but others think that it is a waste of
time
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. I agree with the former view as it brings happiness in life, especially nowadays when everybody is stressed with the burden of their work and family responsibilities. I am going to explain both approaches in upcoming paragraphs. There are many benefits of watching
television
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,
such
Linking Words
 as the greatest way of getting knowledge about any product,
issues
Correct word choice
and issues
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 that need global attention which is not possible without
television
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 as with the click of
button
Correct article usage
a button
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 one can have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
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 news.
Apart from
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this
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, It is an excellent way of spending quality
time
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 with friends or relatives
while
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 enjoying movies, songs, and the best things without paying extra and worrying about going outdoors. I think in view of all these benefits, people think that
television
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 is a great invention of today. When it comes to discussing why it is a waste of
time
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 for others, I think proper
time
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 watching
television
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 should be fixed. It should not be more than that,
otherwise
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 it can lead to big problems,
such
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 as obesity, laziness, and lack of
time
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.
For instance
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, children of today are the best example of
this
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 scenario as they are getting obese, lazy, and they are facing problems related to
time
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 management as well, which makes parents worried about their future and they tend to think that spending
time
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 in front of the screen is not good and can spoil their children. In conclusion, I reiterate my opinion that it depends on how much
time
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 is being spent and what kind of channels are being watched. If it is watched in limit and people are getting an advantage by watching informative shows,
then
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 it is a blessing.
Otherwise
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, it can be a curse for some people.

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Coherence and Cohesion
While your introduction is effective in setting the stage for the essay, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next with cohesive devices. Consider using linking words or phrases to enhance the flow.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear position and discusses both views. However, strive for a more balanced exploration of both perspectives by using equally specific examples.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples to make them more specific and relevant to the points you are making. This would strengthen your argument and illustrate your points better.
Task Achievement
Great job on clearly addressing both views in the discussion, which shows your comprehension of the prompt and ability to structure an argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay features an introduction and conclusion, tying your ideas together and offering a clear opinion, which effectively rounds off your discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • relaxation
  • entertainment
  • unwind
  • diverse tastes
  • documentaries
  • educational programs
  • excessive
  • physical activity
  • social interaction
  • inappropriate content
  • selective
  • moderated
  • leisure time
  • pursuing hobbies
  • engaging
  • fulfilling
  • productive
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